Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Boehner Did Not Attend Memorial Service... Price of Kleenex Blamed

Supporters Say Boehner's Salary Did Not Permit Purchase of Kleenexes
by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Speaker of the House, John Boehner's supporters feel that he has been unfairly targeted for his failiure to attend the family memorial service in Tucson, Arizona on Wednesday.  Boehner is known to have great difficulty in controlling the flow of tearful emotions during stressful situations.  Often tearing up when he remembers the difficult struggles he had as a student working multiple jobs to get where he is today,  he is said to have not set aside enough money  to cover what he felt would be sufficient Kleenex' for the Wednesday night event. 

While not available for comment, a source close to the Speaker said "John is very responsible and reasoned about everything.  It goes back to his days sweeping the pub and ordering the Cutty Sark and Canadian Club.  He knew that everything had to be in order and he did not budget for the correct number of Kleenexes he felt would be required for the event and felt it was better to not go rather than to force a potentially embarassing situation," said Horace Fwerthwelty, a Boehner pub regular from Canada.

Fwerthwelty also said, "did you hear that bxxxx Laura Ingraham this morning say that we Canadians are NOT AMERICANS!  How's that for thankfulness?  It was us Canadians who helped you damn Yanks to weather the long winter of Prohibition....which, by the way, helped to keep Boehner's daddy in business!"

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