Jackass 2 Saddens Economist

Nobel Prize Nominated Economist Authored Groundbreaking

Eco-Echo-Micro-Macro Theory

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Parasitic Plover Cleaning the Teeth of Nile Croc

He is an unlikely candidate for a Nobel prize.  After all, five years ago he was homeless and eating out of a dumpster.  "It was in the dumpster that my best theories came to me," said celebrated economist and the Wilshusen Professor of Economics at the University of Tubingen, Frederick M. Mellon.

"I went to the new movie Jackass 2 and was saddened that someone would think that pretending to eat excrement from a baby's diaper retrieved from a trash can was humorous.  They ate chocolate pudding as a gag....pardon the pun.  I had to eat the real thing, but it's okay since it provided my greatest insight... the Eco-Echo-Micro-Macro Theory," said  Dr. Mellon.

"Does your theory taut more or less government regulation?" I asked.  "Are you a Milton Friedman free market, or Keynsian, economist?" I asked.

"The irony of it is that regulation, price controls and the like don't seem to matter all that much.  They are just ways of trying to protect a corner of the pile and while that may help for a while unless there are significant additions to the eco-pile there can be no sustained growth.  The eco-pile is not particular about things like ethical business practices and so on.  Societies are not moral.  The indivdual, however, should be.  If an individual is too selfish in his or her effectiveness in accessing the pile at the exclusion of others...whether they drill down too deep or too wide and exclude others, there will be consequences. We saw it in the American and French Revolutions and in other wars and in the Bernie Madoff or Enron or World Com scandals.  The cow pie is to be expanded and more and more people are to be given a bigger slice, but they can't take the whole pie.  Parasites always share.  If they don't they invite revolution and overthrow," said Mellon.

Eco Echo Micro Macro Model
by Economist Frederick M. Mellon

I asked Mellon to compare his theory to the work of Nobel Prize winner, John Nash.  Nash, whose Governing Dynamics provided the theoretical framework for his argument that Adam Smith's position that unregulated competition will always bring the best possible results was wrong and needed revision, implies a kind of parasitic symbiosis.  "Does your theory provide a revision of either Smith or Nash?" I asked.

Mellon said, "While my Eco-Echo-Micro-Macro Theory provided mathematical proof that we are all parasites, it unites the positions of Smith and Nash by putting both individuals and groups in the same context of parasitic organisms and colonies feeding on the same basic human needs.  In the end I conclude, even given the powerful mathematic proofs of humanity's predestinated parasitic paradigm that what Albert Einstein so elequently stated is true,  "Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted counts."

Mellon went on to described the theory in this way.  "Follow your dog into the yard. He poops.  Within seconds there are flies.  Everybody is a fly.  Everybody is a parasite.  Your father yelled at you when you were a small boy....'I'll be damned if I'm going to raise a blood sucking parasite that feeds off of this family.  Get out there.  Get a job and go to work.'  Now what your father was saying is 'you aren't going to be parasite on this pile of sxxx.  Go find another pile to eat.  The sound of the father's voice echoes in the childs ear all of his life and he finds that the whole world is a series of eco-systems made up of bigger and smaller parasites eating off of bigger and smaller piles of sxxx.   My theory just helped the boy to see that Fido's doodoo is not a metaphor for planet earth.  It is planet earth.   Consider that my friend Gerhardt became a tax attorney.  He spends his days making one set of flies move to a different segment of the sxxx pile.  So he is eating off of a portion of their section of the sxxx pile...and so it goes.  Policeman?  Pediatrists? Preachers?  All Parasites."

"Parasites?" I asked.

"Why yes.  Have you noticed that most of what living things do is eat, sleep, sxxx and fxxx," said Dr. Mellon.  "If you want to be important find work that helps people do these things or do them better and you will always be needed.   And better is a relative term.  It may mean helping more of them to do it less expensively...as in 'just how much sxxx do you really need in a day?'  Kohler made a fortune in helping people sxxx and then wash their hands. Added value.   Mr. Serta helped people to sleep and fxxx in better comfort.  Same with the air mattress guys.  She's a number forty two I'm a number twenty eight....when we're sleeping.  When we're making love she's a number four and I'm a fifty seven.  And we're laying on foam or plastic air bags made from oil....right back to the sxxx. And gee, just look at the restaurant businesses and Julia Childs and that Cajun chef from New Orleans...or is he Italian?  They are really parasites helping people to relieve their greatest needs.  The Cajun chef is eating off of the oyster pile and it's eating off whatever sxxx is floating by...and now it has to be watched in some regions for the oily sxxx. But it's still sxxx, and they're all still parasites.  So was that uppity witch with the books, wall paper, perfume, aprons and towels."

"Martha Stewart?" I asked.

"Yea," said Mellon.  "She is a top-knotch parasite who loves to  pour perfume on the sxxx pile, but in the end she is still a parasite and what happened?  She ate more than her fair share and wanted more without having to stand in line like the rest of us flies."

"But parasites?" I asked.

"At the micro and macro levels everything is parasitic. Physicians live off of the ills of others, but call it health-care.  If I'm healthy I don't care about Dr. Welby. Big nations live off the eco-pile of smaller nations.  The world as a whole lives off of the planet.  Hello.  Whatever is already here is all we have.  If we want more than's here we need a bigger sxxx pile and better start making rockets that will take us there.  Garbage men make a living off of garbage, but don't you dare look down on a garbage man.  I learned that in the dumpster.  They can tell you when and where the good stuff just got dumped. If there's real aliens in UFO's running around you need to be asking them where to go and find the good stuff and is there enough for us and will they take US treasury notes, silver,  gold or peas or rice or coconut oil?  Oil companies are parasites living off of the planet.  Uranium miners?  Parasites.  My brother sells diesel fuel.  My other brother sells butane.  One of their bosses makes oil into petro-chemicals for beautiful, lovely carpets and synthetic fabrics. They are eating off of different strata of the sxxx pile, but it really is the same pile....and what is oil anyway, but degenerated sxxx accumluated in pools that we suck up with long straws, to make into products that look less like sxxx for a while,  and we guarantee it sometimes with a thirty-six, forty-eight or seventy-two month warranty.  We guarantee it not to look like sxxx.  But beneath it all, that's what it is, sxxx, and to that it will return.  It may come out of the refractory and refinery from different nozzels, but its the same source and no matter how refined it appears, it is at heart part of the eco-pile.  Bigger flies tend to look for bigger sxxx piles.  Take the BP president, Tony Hayward, who went to Siberia.  Have you ever seen a bigger sxxx-eatin' grin?  International Bankers?  They are the biggest parasites of all unless you consider governments.  They're living off of everyone elses little sxxx pile," said Dr. Mellon. 

"The truth-tellers admit it.  I know a builder in Berlin who was the biggest sewer system and infra structure contractor in the city.  "I love sxxx," he yells when he gets up in the morning.  Why, because he knows the Eco-Echo-Micro-Macro Theory instinctively.  I just articulated it in a clear and coherent way....which is what living in a dumpster for several years will do for you," said Dr. Mellon whose new book, A Simple Guide to Eco-Echo-Micro-Macro Theory:  Lessons from the Dumpster, will come out in bookstores next month.
For a view of John Nash's Governing Dynamics from the film Beautiful Mind see...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAJDD1_Oexo