Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Man Divorces His Wife For Watching Fox News

Dallas Woman Devastated by Husband's Decision

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Betty Rivers claims that her husband has no grounds for divorce simply because she refuses to watch anything but Fox & Friends on the television each morning while the young professionals get dressed for work.  Betty's husband, James, is a petroleum land man who claims he is "sick and tired of seeing the Dutch, French, Scandinavians and Chinese buying our nation's mineral rights while having to listening to Fox & Friends,"  which he said "hasn't a clue what they are talking about.  We're drilling here and now and giving the last strategic reserves to foreigners while stalling on alternative resources and fuels."

"Hell," said Rivers, "My wife doesn't even know who the Washington Monument is named after.  She said 'the Red Skins'."  Mr. Rivers is also sure that the Bill O'Reilly sponsored trivia games aimed at either embarrassing or educating the Fox viewers is a hoax.  "Douchey is obviously coached on his answers.  There's no way that air-head knows that Grant is buried in Grant's tomb or that Arlington National Cemetery is in Arlington, Virginia."

Judge Lester C. Worren, said "The court will not decide on this matter unless or until you have received marriage and family counseling.  You may agree on a counselor or I'll appoint one."

They agreed on Nelda Wilson with Help for the Hurting Counseling Clinic in Highland Park.  "We see this all the time," said Nelda.  Betty is a lab technician who works with lab animals all day and doesn't really have a political opinion of any sort.  She likes Fox & Friends because Mr. Douchey's name reminder her of  a cross between the douche bag she used in high school and the lab rat named Mr. Peepers," said Dr. Wilson a Ph.D. in psychology from Northern Idaho State.  "Of course the revelation about Mr. Douchey brought on a number of questions from  James about why Mr. Douchey triggered that memory in his wife," said a friend of the family.

James Rivers summed it up.  "Look, I don't know this woman.  Maybe I never did.  When we pass the statue of Robert E. Lee at the entrance to Highland Park it always triggers from Betty 'There's Sara Lee's husband delivering her cupcakes.'  Just like Fox & Friends my wife lives in a alternate universe," insisted Betty's unwavering husband.

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