by Winsip Custer CPW News Service
Britain's Conservative Party Prime Minister, David Cameron, took the opportunity of the Munich Security Conference, the same city where Jesse Owens ran for victory in the 1936 Olympics, to say that Multi-Culturalism is dead.
Not waiting to see the outcome of Egypt's move toward democracy and feeling that the creation of an independent Scottish Parliament was a step in the wrong direction along with the independent nature of the pesky Irish with their confusing Celtic traditions, dance steps and bagpipes, Cameron is in favor of doing away with all thing not British. "I'm a died in the British wool Anglophile, old man," he said to one reporter. "We've played this game long enough and its time to revert to the Empire."
I asked Professor Smith to explain Earthtalk. "Well, we all need to speak the same language and that will go a long way to heal our divisions and move us toward greater homogeneity. People hide behind the smallest nuances in this culture carrier called "language." Muslim women who speak more than Arabic are more likely to wear jewelry under their Burkas and Muslim men who speak more than one language are 4 times more likely to find beheading distasteful. When everyone speaks the same language I will anticipate that that number will rise unless they are from the same family and it's Thanksgiving. It won't bring utopia. What will? Nothing. More like somewhere between a knife in the back and all out thermo-nuclear war. But since people only use about 10% of their mental capacity we can all speak another language. No problem. But which one? The minute you choose you've create barriers to the others. That's why I invented Earthtalk, or more correctly, ASD;FLADJSGOHN... from seventeen modern languages and four lost languages that I reconstucted out of my own vivid imagination on a night when I had a few too many gimlets followed by an acid reflux attack that could tan a horse hide. We at the Institute propose imprisoning everyone who has not learned Earthtalk by 2025. That way we all have a common earth language on this side of the prison wall while there's hyper-multi-culturalism on the other side with significant gang warfare thrown in ....just like now."