Monday, September 6, 2010
MILLER LITE'S NEW BOTTLE LEADS TO MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH FOR MEN
by Winsip Custer CPW News Service
The Miller Brewing Company's new "vortex bottle neck" has led a team of urologists and surgeons from the University of Phoenix to a medical breakthrough in male erogenous functioning that coupled with the use of Viagra has created the procedure they call RPPI...or... "rifled penile projection inducer".
"While we were drinking a Miller Lite with its rifled bottle neck and watching a documentary about a Cocos Islands specie of fishes, the Coral Trout, that spawned with the female making a rapid ascent to the surface which forced her eggs to exit in a murky cloud, it came to me," said Dr. Richard Reily Small, the team leader. "The male fishes, following her ascent, timed their ejaculations to coincide with her expulsions and in an orgasmic water dance the competing males all had an equal opportunity to produce offspring in a wild brew of sperm and eggs," said Dr. Small. "It was doctor Ben D. Reamer, Jr. of our staff who raised the prospects of the males having a better chance of procreating if they had better control and direction of their ejaculations," said Dr. Small.
When asked how that applied to human procreation when women don't expel massive numbers of eggs as do fishes, Dr. Small said, "Yes, we thought about that, but a poll of 20,000 men indicated that the ability to better control the direction, force and accuracy of their ejaculations, coupled with the breakthrough that Viagra has brought, means that this procedure of rifling the inside of the male penis is highly desirable. Costing just under $10,000 per procedure, it is well within the reach of a vast untapped market. We at Phoenix University Medical Center feel that it is also in keeping with our image of helping people rise from the ashes of unmet goals and expectations. It's truly for the higher performers," said Dr. Small who admitted his own personal issue with male erectile dysfunction led him into the field of urology.
"Miller beer's slogan is 'Tastes great. Less Filling.' Did this enter your thinking as you envisioned the RPPI procedure?" Dr. Small was asked by a University of Phoenix student, Simon Reisweger. "Not consciously," said Dr. Small. "I don't think that had any more influence on my thinking than the fact that I'm a life-time member of the National Rifle Association."