Earth On Collision Course Without Radical Change

Stable World Environment Compared to Omelet

By Winsip Custer CPW News Service

     The world may not be our oyster much longer, but it is being compared to an egg, or more precisely, an omelet.

“That’s right, “ said Dr. Mito Hurimachi of the Society for A Stable World Environment of Kyoto, Japan.  Hurimachi and his team of researchers have determined that the single biggest factors in producing a stable world environment is carbon emissions and population growth.

     “Human beings are carbon based life forms.   The oil, coal and other products we use to produce energy are also carbon based and we have known for a long time that carbon emissions are like secondhand smoke to an asthmatic.  They make the planet sick.”

      Hurimachi’s team of environmental scientists have set benchmarks for reigning in the world’s carbon emissions.   “If you do not want to snuff out life on planet earth, then stop buying all this crap that you know will end up in a land fill and that takes massive amounts of carbon to create in the first place.  Eat your food raw.  Buy more sushi.   Cook with a solar mirror in your back yard and use rubbers, pills and other reliable birth control methods,” he said, “especially you Roman Catholics.”

     I asked why he specifically mentioned Roman Catholics and he said “they don’t practice reliable birth control and spitting out carbon based life forms at record clips is suicidal.”

     Hurimachi favors abortion as a means of birth control.  “It is not about a woman’s right to choose.  Our situation is critical.  By critical I mean dire.  Without an immediate change the earth will look like the Gobi  Desert or your American Death Valley in no time,”  said Hurimachi.

     “I suggest you consider a new image.  Think of the world as a nice fluffy omelet.   A three egg omlet that fits perfectly into your frying pan.  Anymore than three eggs and the pan will not hold it.  It will bubble up and run over the sides and onto the burners and start to smoke and catch fire.  That is planet earth.  We can have only so many eggs in our omelet or else we’re in deep doo-doo,” said Hurimachi.

     “What about life beginning at conception?” I asked.

     “Death begins at conception,” said Hurimachi.  “It is all in your point of view is it not?  Tell yourself ‘I must break a few eggs to make an omelet,’” said Hurimachi, "and those eggs that never even make to the frying pan?  Think of them as still in the refrigerator,” he concluded.

     Independent Roman Catholic Unitarian Bishop, Rene Des Charletes, of Lyon, France, said of Hurimachi’s advice is “problematic for many Roman Catholic Christians and some fundamentalist groups, but he has shown real guts in telling it like it is.  My church has found his views refreshing and we are substituting sushimi grade tuna in our eucharist once a month as a symbol of our solidarity,” said Des Charletes who admitted that this was a compromise between those who preferred sea weed salad and fried calamari.

     Hurimachi denies that his position on the Japanese National Association of Sushi Producers  and the Trojan Corporation as well as on four pharmaceutical companies producing morning after pills and Planned Parenthoood has in any way influenced his research.