BattlePlan Productions and Screen Gems To Shoot Straw Dogs III and IV

Rod Lurie and David Zelag Goodman Not Yet Signed As Directors

     With the success of the remake of Sam Peckinpah’s 1970’s violent hit movie, Staw Dogs, BattlePlan Productions and Screen Gems is planning a Straw Dogs III and IV.  

     “Straw Dogs II took liberties with the original script, placing the screen writer David Sumners not in rural England, but in the Mississippi town of Blackwater.  Blackwater links to images of the renegade North Carolina security group of Erik Prince and with David Sumners writing a story about the life of Nikita Kruschev, Premier of the old Soviet Union, Sumners makes Kruchev a friend of Yuri, a hero of the Battle of Stalingrad during World War II.  Placing this Northerner in the middle of Mississippi is like dropping Mr. and Mrs. Sumners into Georgia in the equally violent and successful movie, Deliverance,” said spokesperson for Screen Gems, Pearl Garnett.  Garnettt admitted that placing Communists against Nazis helped to intensify the script.  "We rejected the original script that had Obama Democrats fighting with Tea Party Republicans," said Garnett, "but the edginess of the plot is still its best quality."

     “Straw Dogs III will be set in South Chicago where David Sumners is a light skinned African American from Jackson, Mississippi who has married a very dark skinned model and ex-cheerleader from South Chicago High School.  Her ex-boyfriend, who is even darker than she is, plays the part of the antagonist,” said Garnett.

     Admittedly, the script had to be changed significantly.   For example, the ex-boyfriend is not delivered a fatal blow with a bear trap, but his head is cut off by Sumners with a pair of his deceased father-in-law’s hedge clippers which he used in his work at Soldiers Field.

     “In Straw Dogs IV, David Sumners is a Sephardic Jew who immigrates to Israel from Egypt with his Reformed Jewish wife, Ruth.    Ruth’s ex-boyfriend, an Orthodox Jew from Queens has followed her to Israel at the same time with his mob buddies to muscle in on Sumner’s deceased father-in-law’s business…a Middle Eastern Import-Export business that handles the ‘Jaws of Life’ used by firemen to extract crash victims from automobiles,” said Garnett.  "In both versions III and IV the part of Jeremy Niles, the mentally retarded man who has long been accused of taking advantage of young girls is proven by his lawyer to have been the victim of a rare form of Brazil Nut addiction which pumped up his testosterone to levels that trigger his uncontrollable sexual desires.  Niles' character sues health guru Timothy Ferriss for his advice to men to 'eat more Brazil Nuts,'" said Garnett.  "In the end Niles is fully exhonerated."

     “So in Straw Dogs IV Sumners cuts off the ex-boyfriend’s head with the ‘Jaws of Life?”  I asked.

     “Now, if I told you that it would ruin the story wouldn’t it?” said Garnett.