Quixote-esqe Convergence In Spainish Food Chain

Barcelona Meat Market Supports Spanish Food Stamp Revolution

     by Olivia Ancho Garrafons for CPW News Service

     Simon Bolivar Garcia Panza, the owner of El Mercado Del Carne in Barcelona, Spain has opened his meat market for the poor of the city.  “With unemployment among farm worker nearing 30% in some regions, we cannot continue to let the Spanish government turn a blind eye to our people’s worsening conditions.  I have turned my company into a not-for-profit organization and have aligned it with the Roman Catholic Church related NGO  for a tax exclusion,” said Sanchez.

     “We give everyone a rubber stamp and an ink pad and ask them to confiscate, for the NGO, food for themselves and five others and to share it thus stretching what they might normally eat alone with five.  They bring the goods to a central distribution point for redistribution according to need.  We believe that if Americans would do the same and send what they save out of their food budget to other nations, the world can survive any coming economic downturn for a substantial period.  Plus, I believe in birth control so I told the local Bishops, 'screw you, we're using condoms.  We can't afford this stupid program of unbridled births.   Plus the obesity problem in the U.S. would be abated.  Park Avenue, Madison Avenue and Wall Street models will quickly begin to appear on every American street corner instead of the bulging bottomed blimps seen gorging themselves at the local Walmart.  Most with four or five kids in tow.  The key is going to your local Spanish market in mass….not less than a few hundred at a time.  Surround the stampers with a group of about ten and take the items they stamp 'Contribucions por NGO' to our centers fo re-distribution.  We will send the store owners their year-end tax statement that fully complies with Spanish law for donations to NGO's.  Armies do this in time of war and when conditions demand so must the populace.  Don’t, however, be greedy.  For-profit grocers will claim to make only about 3% profit on their products.  That’s obviously a well-guarded trade secret which is not readily shared among the general population.   You cannot know the exact number until donations push the limit and people start dying,” said Panza.  “And don’t take any Fritos.  We don’t want anyone, especially Frito-Lay to resurrect the image of the Frito Bandido,” said Panza, a descendant the man who inspired Don Quixote’s sidekick, Sancho Panza in Miguel de Cervantes' 1605 picaresco.

     The Roman Catholic Church which is the wealthiest property owner in Spain is exempt from taxes as are other religions, foundations and NGO’s.

    In the U.S.A. church tax exemptions are about $71,000,000,000 of the total U.S. budgets.  Whereas, the U.S. military budget is about $670,000,000,000.  Churches are about 10% of the military budget which compares favorably with the Judeo-Christian practice of tithing.  “Not a bad investment when you think about the goals of each,” said Panza.  "Particularly if the Catholics start using condoms, but personally I favor a vasectomy," he continued.

     Panza claims that he is not connected in any way to Juan Manuel Sanchez Gordillo from the Cordoba Region about 350 miles to the south and west of Barcelona.  Gordillo’s group is more left of center.  I’m just a capitalistic businessman with a heart, not like those UN oil for food jackasses who use food as a weapon,” said Panza citing the scandal that rocked the U.N..

       In 2005 the FBI arrested Oscar S. Wyatt Jr., the former chairman of Coastal Corp.  Released on $2.5 million secured bond,  Michael J. Garcia, the U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York, extradited Wyatt's two partners, Catalina del Socorro Miguel and Mohammed Saidji from their hiding places in Switzerland.

     The three executives and three companies were indicted on four counts of wire fraud and engaging in prohibited financial transactions with Iraq using the UN’s food program as a tool of what Panza calls a “Darwinian duck soup of devilish deeds”.    In October 2007 Wyatt plead guilty to conspiring to, under UN oil for food program, making illegal payments to Saddam Hussein. Wyatt received a one year prison sentence, and was sentenced to serve in the minimum security federal camp at Beaumont, Texas, where he mysteriously gained weight.

     “If Wyatt can raid the poor, suffering Iraqi people using the only lifeline they had for his plunder….well, then, hello Robin Hood!” said Panza.