IPhone Maps Needs a Patch
by C. Severenson Johnson for CPW News Services
While thousands of buyers stand in line to purchase the new
IPhone, many other purchasers have noticed that the map function of the new
phone does not work. In comparison to Goggle’s map function, the
IPhone map function often misses the mark leading the traveler to the wrong
location or to no location at all.
“It doesn’t’ matter that aspects of the IPhone don't
work. People want the IPhone. They are loyal to the idea of the IPhone, even when the device is flawed.”
Fred La Joya of the
group Flaws In Cultural Conditioning, said “when it comes to people’s own cultural
heritage it’s the same thing. People are
blinded by some features of their own cultural, religious or racial heritage in
spite of the fact that these loyalties no longer serve a larger good. What good is it to wholly embrace anything
when aspects of that heritage don’t serve any real purpose. What greater purpose is there than to put you
on the human map?”
Gerhardt Koke Rhineholdt, program director for Flaws in
Cultural Conditioning, says that the programs he has designed for the group
build awareness of limitation in blind allegiance. “I’m German and we pride ourselves in being
excellent engineers. Our automobiles are
marvels of engineering perfection, well, semi-perfection, but in the end they are all four wheels
under a soot chugging, carbon monoxide coughing killing machine. They may race you to the local hospital to when you've had a heart attack from eating too much and walking too little, but at what price? They spill their toxins into the air instead
of into a concentration camp shower. A whole new way of looking at cars must take place before the kind of needed changes. I'd recommend passing a law that makes it illegal to build cars in any style other than the shape of cigarette. We know that cigarettes are cancer puff sticks and dangerous to your health. We put it on the package, but a bright new red Masserati, Mercedes or BMW masks what it really is and does. Thank you Sigmund Freud, Ed Bernays and Albert Lasker, the triplet siblings of Wall Street's high priests, the mad men of Madison Avenue. While German mechanics use a torque wrench to
tighten the bolts on most cars, Mercedes are built with each bolt aligning to
its own forged torque level indicator on each bolt head and engine. On the other hand, just because we know how
to engineer effective high quality tools, that doesn’t mean that we always use them
correctly. Take our chemical engineers,
for example. Zyklon B was a wonderful
rat poison, but it should never have been used on people just because IG Farben
made it. Methadone is a wonderful substitute for opium,
morphine and heroin, but just because the IG Farben chemists synthesized it from chemicals doesn’t mean that those nations
that have traditionally made the non-synthetic forms from the poppy plant… Turkey,
Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, Indo-China and other areas associated with
religious terrorism should fund their cultural traditions with the sale of
these products that inevitably enslave another.“
Paddy O’Malley, the group’s secretary, said he joined when
he was tired of hearing that his Irish heritage was known for great whiskey
distilling providing his cousins fortunes during Prohibition, but also made them great lushes who in O’Malley’s words “are always testing
their products far too much. Particularly
on weekends.”
Wesley Butler, whose family traces its heritage to a close
knit company of swinging butlers who served the Tudor kings and queens of
England, said “We watched how Henry VIII would swing from his stag horn chandelier
before plopping down on top of one of the Bolynn girls and while following his
example is what created our family, it’s not something that we are proud of."
Mohammed Hussein Iman, the group’s treasurer, said “I began
to question blind allegiance to cultural heritage when my eight sisters were circumcised
without sterile instruments or anesthetics.
I asked myself “how can this be when there’s all those poppies? So then I began to question the need for that
elective surgery when there were so many children with hair lips. When you've gotta have an Iman for this and an Iman for that, keepin' up with the Imans is just not where it's at.”
La Hoya admitted that he is most troubled by plastic pink
flamingoes in the front of his mother’s pink and orange house, but that he
would never apologize for the music of Tomas Jobim. “And I don’t think that Gypsies should apologize
for the music of D’jango Reinhardt or the Gypsy Kings,” said La Hoya. "And the proudest aspect of my Spanish culture is the lessons learned from Cabaza de Vaca, who did not apologize for the Spanish knowledge of fine steel sword making, but who laid it down after his journey's from Florida to Mexico and back to Spain using only his wits. He was a modern Renaissiance man who knew that living by the sword means non-sustainability and a living hell on earth. Now, excuse. I have to go and get one of those new IPhones," said La Hoya.
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