"WEST POINT OF CAPITALISM MIRED IN MUCK"
by Dabney Boles for CPW News Services
Calling himself “Harvard’s Deep Throat”, a tenured professor
of the Harvard Business School has leveled scathing criticism of Harvard’s
place as “The West Point of Capitalism”.
Minutes after Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadjinedad completed his
speech to the United Nations calling for non aligned nations to play a larger
role in their own self determination, “HDT” claimed that the pint-sized Iranian
leader was essentially correct in his assessment of Capitalism’s inability to
offer a workable solution to the world’s problems. “The old Soviet style Socialism is gone, thank God, and
there we are bogging down and not able to tell Iran that the only way we really
make money, big money, is by bombing the holy hell out of nations like theirs that
are rich in oil deposits,” said HDT.
“I knew it was time for a change when my son came in asking
for money to get his ears pierced and for some tattoos and nipple rings. ‘They were going to pierce my ears for $85
and I got them to drop it to $75 with
sterling silver posts thrown in,'" HDT's son told him.
"I told him I’d cut off both ears with a meat cleaver for $5 each and he wouldn’t need silver posts. That’s the trouble with American Capitalism today. Nobody knows the value of anything anymore and while I hate to say it, that sawed-off Iranian is essentially correct. It all started in the mid-80’s, or at least it was accelerated then. I remember that a concerned mega-wealthy American businessman wanted to donate a few million for an ethics department at the Harvard Business School. We turned it down. People come here to learn the ins and outs of cheating without getting caught and how to hide vast sums undetected. Guys like Jeffrey Skilling of Enron, George W. Bush of Harken Energy, Henry Paulson of Goldman Sachs, Mitt Romney of Bain Capital.”
When asked if he thought that the recent announcement by Professor Karen L. Kennedy of the Harvard Divinity School of a Coptic papyra that spoke of Jesus being married was authentic HDT said, “We all have our doubts about that deal and about the timing on the story that sits hand in hand with that movie Innocence of Muslims by that weird Coptic fruitcake. I’d want to know how Dr. Kennedy is related to J. Peter Grace of the Grace Kennedy conglomerate and to Grace Kennedy Inc. Jamaica,” said HDT. “It's there in Jamaica where Coptic Christians are the squirreliest bunch of toke smokers you’ve ever seen, but who have all but carried the little island's economy for decades. On top of that," said HDT, "Dr. Kenneth Goodpaster, the 'father of ethics at Harvard' always said privately that the direction we were going in was going to come back and bite us all big time in our misguided butts. Goodpaster didn't like leaving the question of business ethics to the Divinity School instead of to our own core curriculum and if it turns out that Professor Kennedy is the niece of Peter Grace's Kennedy connection and a Coptic connection through Jamaica to Egypt, the school will be up to its jowls in a soupy moral sludge deeper that its current one. Then I'll be ready to roll a big one on the roof of the administration building...thank you Jamaican Coptics. And when I'm really super mellow I'll ask myself 'since Professor Goodpaster is now the Koch Professor of ethics at St. Thomas University in Minneapolis, does he feel conflicted about his stand on ethics? Was it the Koch brothers whose money was rejected because aside Skilling, Bush, Paulson and Romney it was all too obvious? Will Goodpaster add to St. Thomas' Center for Ethical Business Culture’s annual Ethics Case Competition hosted by the CEBC, the University of St. Thomas Opus College of Business and UnitedHealth Group, case studies from real cases involving Koch Industries and UnitedHealth Group? Will he ask David Koch a simple question: Have you talked to the bees? Really talked to the bees?'" asked HDT as he was packing boxes of text books and loading them onto a U-haul trailer.
"I told him I’d cut off both ears with a meat cleaver for $5 each and he wouldn’t need silver posts. That’s the trouble with American Capitalism today. Nobody knows the value of anything anymore and while I hate to say it, that sawed-off Iranian is essentially correct. It all started in the mid-80’s, or at least it was accelerated then. I remember that a concerned mega-wealthy American businessman wanted to donate a few million for an ethics department at the Harvard Business School. We turned it down. People come here to learn the ins and outs of cheating without getting caught and how to hide vast sums undetected. Guys like Jeffrey Skilling of Enron, George W. Bush of Harken Energy, Henry Paulson of Goldman Sachs, Mitt Romney of Bain Capital.”
When asked if he thought that the recent announcement by Professor Karen L. Kennedy of the Harvard Divinity School of a Coptic papyra that spoke of Jesus being married was authentic HDT said, “We all have our doubts about that deal and about the timing on the story that sits hand in hand with that movie Innocence of Muslims by that weird Coptic fruitcake. I’d want to know how Dr. Kennedy is related to J. Peter Grace of the Grace Kennedy conglomerate and to Grace Kennedy Inc. Jamaica,” said HDT. “It's there in Jamaica where Coptic Christians are the squirreliest bunch of toke smokers you’ve ever seen, but who have all but carried the little island's economy for decades. On top of that," said HDT, "Dr. Kenneth Goodpaster, the 'father of ethics at Harvard' always said privately that the direction we were going in was going to come back and bite us all big time in our misguided butts. Goodpaster didn't like leaving the question of business ethics to the Divinity School instead of to our own core curriculum and if it turns out that Professor Kennedy is the niece of Peter Grace's Kennedy connection and a Coptic connection through Jamaica to Egypt, the school will be up to its jowls in a soupy moral sludge deeper that its current one. Then I'll be ready to roll a big one on the roof of the administration building...thank you Jamaican Coptics. And when I'm really super mellow I'll ask myself 'since Professor Goodpaster is now the Koch Professor of ethics at St. Thomas University in Minneapolis, does he feel conflicted about his stand on ethics? Was it the Koch brothers whose money was rejected because aside Skilling, Bush, Paulson and Romney it was all too obvious? Will Goodpaster add to St. Thomas' Center for Ethical Business Culture’s annual Ethics Case Competition hosted by the CEBC, the University of St. Thomas Opus College of Business and UnitedHealth Group, case studies from real cases involving Koch Industries and UnitedHealth Group? Will he ask David Koch a simple question: Have you talked to the bees? Really talked to the bees?'" asked HDT as he was packing boxes of text books and loading them onto a U-haul trailer.
No comments:
Post a Comment