Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Thursday, September 13, 2012



Rip Alton Pile for CPW News Services

     Members of the Temple of the Tame Tongues, in Wagsville, Tennessee, saddened by the U.S. pastor of the Dove Outreach Center who encouraged the burning of Korans and supported the anti-Mohamed film that led to the death of four U.S. embassy employees in Libya on Wednesday, have submitted to the church’s highest and  holiest sacrament of pennance…."The Sacrament of Tongue Taming".
      “We do not believe that it is proper to antagonize people of another faith.  Jesus didn’t go around pointing a finger at Zoroastrians or urinating on Greek or Roman statues of their gods,” said Betty Freedell.   According to the church’s interpreter, Mildred Lipton who had difficulty with Freedell’s pronunciation of Zowhooooassstweeuns and urrunnnnaaaahhatte, said “our members felt that we needed to make a powerful statement of solidarity with other religions that deserve to be treated with respect.  We also feel that Rev. Jones in honoring that long established U.S. custom of 'keeping up with the Jones' should keep up with us by submitting to our holy sacrament....'The Sacrament of Tongue Taming',” said Lipton who nearly interpreted Freedell's stressed verbalization as "Tha Wackwamunt of Taaang Taaaenng."

Pastor Terry Jones at the center of
tongue wagging controversy. Jones
refused to keep up with the Tongue
Tamers by submitting to their sacrament.
      “It was a shame,” said Lipton, “that the actions of a few lame brains would have this effect among the Muslims, but the Roman Empire frequently found their ambassadors heads returned to Caesar in a fly covered, blood stained reed basket.  I was watching the movie Gladiator the other night, you know, the one with Russell Crowe, that opens up with a group of Huns returning the Roman army’s ambassador  strapped to his horse minus the ambassador’s head.  Anyone who accepts the assignment knows that there is risk.  We Southerners didn’t like Yankees desecrating our most sacred treasure on their pursuit of a flat Southwest rail route to the Pacific from Southern ports.
“The Bible?” I asked.
“No. The Confederate flag,” said Lipton.

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