TTT CHURCH HAMMERS DOWN THE PROBLEM
Rip Alton Pile for CPW News Services
Members of the Temple of the Tame Tongues, in Wagsville,
Tennessee, saddened by the U.S. pastor of the Dove Outreach Center who
encouraged the burning of Korans and supported the anti-Mohamed film that led
to the death of four U.S. embassy employees in Libya on Wednesday, have
submitted to the church’s highest and holiest
sacrament of pennance…."The Sacrament of Tongue Taming".
“We do not believe that it is proper to antagonize people of
another faith. Jesus didn’t go around
pointing a finger at Zoroastrians or urinating on Greek or Roman statues of
their gods,” said Betty Freedell. According to the church’s interpreter, Mildred
Lipton who had difficulty with Freedell’s pronunciation of Zowhooooassstweeuns
and urrunnnnaaaahhatte, said “our members felt that we needed to make a powerful
statement of solidarity with other religions that deserve to be treated with
respect. We also feel that Rev. Jones in honoring that long established U.S. custom of 'keeping up with the Jones' should keep up with us by submitting to our holy sacrament....'The Sacrament of Tongue Taming',” said Lipton who nearly interpreted Freedell's stressed verbalization as "Tha Wackwamunt of Taaang Taaaenng."
“It was a shame,” said Lipton, “that the actions of a few
lame brains would have this effect among the Muslims, but the Roman Empire
frequently found their ambassadors heads returned to Caesar in a fly covered, blood stained
reed basket. I was watching the movie Gladiator
the other night, you know, the one with Russell Crowe, that opens up with a group of Huns returning
the Roman army’s ambassador strapped to
his horse minus the ambassador’s head.
Anyone who accepts the assignment knows that there is risk. We Southerners didn’t like Yankees
desecrating our most sacred treasure on their pursuit of a flat Southwest rail route to the Pacific from Southern ports.
Pastor Terry Jones at the center of tongue wagging controversy. Jones refused to keep up with the Tongue Tamers by submitting to their sacrament. |
“The Bible?” I asked.
“No. The Confederate flag,” said Lipton.
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