Lords of the Lesser Manors

DeLaying the Abramoff Craving For Links

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Golf historian at Mizzoula Men's Institute, George Contour Bender, a distant cousin of country and western singer George Strait, has written a fascinating new book Delaying the Abramoff Craving for the Links printed by Swayback Mountain Press.  


A blistering criticism of American acceptance of British/Scottish Anglophilia in Western culture, the book is opening the eyes of golfers across the country.  "Golf clubs are closing across the U.S.A. as the economy continues its slump.  Fewer golf clubs means fewer golfers which may be a precursor to wars and conflicts, says Bender.

"When we moved to Billings Montana when I was a boy, my father was urged to join a local country club and to take up golf with the movers and shaker of the community.  I'll never forget his response to one kindly old duffer who pressured him on a bad day.  'I don't have four hours to waste and if I wanted to ruin a nice walk through the country I'd invent a game of hitting little round balls in a hole with a stick'," said Bender.

"There was more to it than that.  At home Dad would say 'every golf course is an extension of the English manor, but it was invented by the Lords of the Scottish manors.  The Brits were happy to see the Scots take up golfing since swinging a pitching iron was better than them swinging a Claymoor,'" he continued.

"Still, the golf club in Western culture had become the place where the Brits and Scots hammered out their own peace while planning their conquests of others.  Found as early as 1340 the holes were not originally numbered, but carried names like Ireland, France, Spain and eventually China, Australia and India. St. Andrews was a kind of brain trust for the conquest of Ireland and then North America.  The clubs in America continued their exclusivity since it was there that business and military leaders often hammered out their plans for economic conquest," said Bender.

"When Omar Bin Wadi Habbi caught on to the importance of the links in the development of international business plans of oil companies in the ARAMCO consortium or Arab American Oil Company, he quickly built the exclusive Medina Mansion Golf Course outside of Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, and had the course wired with ultra-sensitive microphones.  From the information gleaned from the Western oil men's golfing conversations he was able to help direct the Arab nations toward the creation of OPEC as a replacement for ARAMCO," said Bender.

"It was a brilliant strategy for Prince Bin Wadi Habbi who preferred racing his Arabian horses and  Falconry to golfing, but his actions led to his purchase of several British and American courses where he gleaned more information from the hidden microphones and went into the import-export business suppling the Chinese with a line of ships for flooding America with items that found increasing demand in the stalled U.S. economy.....Dollar Store do-dads and trinkets.

Meanwhile, the American company, Strages Inc,  that has expanded its business to consolidate multi-company-employees into shell corporations to eliminate employer liabilities and employee benefit costs, has purchased a part of Lord Hamilton's Estate in Western England.  The estate was the site of the crash of Hitler's right-hand-man, Rudolf Hess, who had flown to England in 1941 to appeal to the Brits to join the Germans in creating a world-wide empire.  While some of the British Royals and Lords found the offer appealing, Winston Churchill did not.  "Hess is an idot," said Churchill.  "And they should have buried him on Lord Hamilton's putting green.  Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose."

Wreckage of Hess' Messerschmidt BF 110 beside
Lord Hamilton's putting green.  Lord Hamilton
is on the far right.

When Churchill was told that Hess' Messerschmidt was powered by an ITT-built engine from the U.S., he told his assistants to bury the information because he would make sure that his golfers in the U.S. could beat the German golfers in the United States in wagering on the links the redirection of American support toward the Allies.  "With the Japanese nearly golf-ignorant and lacking the land mass needed for the wandering golf courses of England, Scotland and the U.S. where the Japanese could learn the sport, it was a cinch that the Americans would join the British in standing up to Hitler and Japan whose agenda would have provided little time for golfing," said Bender.