Japanese Tragedy Excellent Opportunity
For America Cosmetic Company
by Winsip Custer CPW News Service
Cleanliness is apparently still next to godliness, at least in Japan and the American company Ascendia sees a wonderful silver lining in a radioactive cloud. "This nuclear tragedy is sparking new interest in one of our older products, Dorothy Gray Cosmetics," said Sherman T. Wassbothelman. "We took a lot of heat from the critics of our 1950 advertising campaign for Dorothy Gray, but this all goes to show that if you'll just wait long enough, fashions change and sometimes in that change comes a return. Ceiling fans, electric cars, wood heaters and even Dorothy Gray. Well, it's still sold in Walgreen Stores, but now it's expected to sell like hotcakes in Japan," said Wassbothelman. Wassbothelman said that the original ad campaign which received such glowing criticism from an increasingly informed public, will be used in it original form.
"Sadly, the sweet, young model in our television ad, Virginia Meade, left no family after her death from skin cancer in 1963, but we are going to set up a scholarship to her modeling school, The Manhattan Modeling Institute," said Wassbothelman. "Satura no longer contains lead. Lead was injected into the final product at the insistence of our chemists who were directed by WWII hero, Lt. Col. John Luther Stearns, a distant relative of George Luther Stearns, the lead mining entrepreneur who funded the abolitionist John Brown in the years before the Civil War and attempted to corner the lead market prior to the Battle of Fort Sumter shortly after Brown's raid on Harper's Ferry. I think that if we put lead back into our cosmetics it might help shield the skin from the dangerous effects of radiation, but the FDA will never buy it," said Wassbothelman who has been recently eyed for a board position with Full Metal Jacket Lead Mining Co. Inc. in San Francisco, California.
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| Arcadia Bandini Stearnes, wife of Abel Stearns and heiress of the first wine vineyard in California, Buena Vista. |
Lt. Col Stearns, now ninety-seven, was asked if he was also related to famed California business and political leader, Abel Stearns, who is said to have been married to one of the most beautiful women in California, the daughter of Italian immigrant and vineyard owner Don Juan Bandini, a relative of the Florence family of Bernardo Bandini whose work as a Roman Catholic altar boy with Lorenzo de Medici did not lead him into the priesthood. "I always wondered that myself," said John Stearns, "and whether Arcadia Bandini, the fourteen year old bride of Abel Stearns who was forty-three at the time of their marriage, owed her beauty to the use of lead-based cosmetics. I tried to figure a way to weave that story-line into our advertising and sales promotion, but could never quite work out the details."
For a look at the Dorothy Gray television ad see....
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