|David Mogen Matzos|
With Trump's popular-vote-shy-victory in place, angry Democrats demonstrating for two straight nights, Trump and Obama's White House meeting to measure for the new drapes and Melania's envisioning the First Lady's dressing room changes, Oklahoma City's retired minister and his wife sat down for a dinner of Chicago deep dish pizza. "We talked about the Cubs' victory and Trump's first 100 days," said Rev. Barney Marcello Flockmen, "and wondered if he would enlay golden "T"s in the White House's marble flooring."
"I didn't vote. There. I confess. I hated both candidates. We had no real choice in the matter. It was 'lying Hillary' or 'grab 'em by the pussy in the Taj Mahal Donald'. I would have preferred Andrew Jackson. Yea, he owned slaves, but I don't think he was grabbing them by the pussy, and he would have hung Wells Fargo Bank's John Strumfp for his shenanigans," said Flockmen. "It was Thomas Jefferson that would have grabbed, maybe, but not without asking permission first, though like Trump and Bill Clinton, Tommy J. denied it too, or tried too, except that like Bill with Monika Lewinsky, Tommy boy left some traceable evidence," said Flockmen known for his colorful, often too colorful, sermons. Like when he asked his congregation in an Easter Sunday morning sermon if they could impeach Bill Clinton for breaking the Cuban cigar embargo while emphasizing the power of an Easter egg hunt to instill the rarity and value of the female form....."appreciation of girls by boys cannot be separated from the Gospel and the Easter egg hunting," he told the children from the chancel steps and receiving the scorn of their mothers after the service.
Flockmen was educated at Oklahoma State University, worked as a shoe buyer for Florsheim, as a tire buyer for Goodyear before going to seminary after feeling 'a nudge by God Almighty to do something more significant with my life', but I've always been partial about staying on point and about where the rubber meets the road," said Flockmen.
"Oh, and I was a flower buyer, too. You know, roses and orchids and such. My sister use to say 'a flower has no business dying on the end of a pin.' It always made me feel like crap. I decided to defend myself and God Almighty gave me the perfect answer. "Sis," I'd say, "haven't you heard of Jesus? Everybody and everything dies on the end of somebodies friggin' pin. What the hell are you saving yourself for? Plastic surgery? Keep your chins up!"
Flockmen was not happy about his pizza party on Thursday. "They asked me why I wasn't more like Pastor Joel O'Steen. I told them because he went from the Sprit to positive thinking and my good friends, John and Mildred Schlumberger Bertenhally live in Cushing where all the fracking's suck-pumping just swallowed Main Street and Rev. O'Steen's parishioners work to fine tune the benzene and naptha nozzels in O'Steen's nearby Pasadena and Galena Park. They'll be doing a lot more of it when the Keystone pipeline passes through Cushing on its way to Houston under the pews at Lakewood Church. Besides, I'm thinking that not even the nearby nozzels of Elon Musk's Space X rockets will get them like Heaven's Gate to some celestial Hale Bop. I'm recently focusing on the messaging of a prophet named Jeremiah Ezekiel Melville whose stuff I read about in a story titled 'A World Really Split Apart'," said Flockmen.
Flockmen says he's personally concerned about something that didn't come up on Thursday night. Trump's proposed head of staff who replaced Andrew Breitbart, the conservative journalist who died unexpectedly after he had shelled the Sol Alinsky-esque Acorn, integrated his fraternity at Tulane only to find his baby, Breitbart News, kidnapped by Trump's media thumper with a history of domestic abuse and a bad attitude toward inclusion. "You add Trump, Giuliani, Kerik, Dana White and Breitbart's successor, Steve Bannon and Brent Bozell, III to the Trump mix and we'z be in some deep doo-doo if Trump decides to repeal Rachel's Law that protects the ineffectual muzzle-mouthed journalists of the U.S for fear of a series of Donald Trump's Khalid Bin Mahfouz-like libel attacks. I woke up after the pizza dreaming of how Steve Bannon was contacting the Hoover Institute to check out their original of Joseph Goebbels's personal diary, while Bannon was burning the books of Anthony Sutton under an effigy of Aphonso Taft, William Huntington Russell, George, Jeb and Billy Bush," said Flockmen.
"We have been told that the power elites of the American ruling class have fed the masses a pablum of dumbed-down education so that they would be compliant cogs in the machinery run on fossil fuels and dinosaur guts. We'll that's exactly what we've reaped. Problem is that Jeb Bush and Hillary whose husband had become an apologist for the ancestor of Barbara Pierce Bush, Franklin Pierce....the close friend of Jefferson Davis and Caleb Cushing.... was counting on their dumbed-down-vote and almost half the nation went even dumber still. So there we were like all the dutiful dumbed-downers that were spending Thursday night as apologists for the good side of a god-awful crisis. Make no mistake. It's a crisis. I have to confess that it was fun though, like watching a Houdini or David Blaine act, trying to figure out how they mentally unlocked the cage that America has found itself in. One friend and his wife talked about how Donald would fix the economy because he loves debt and bankruptcy. The other said that he likes the fact that President Trump.....President Trump....there, I said it..... would start by making Mexico pay for a nice big well-designed wall like the kind that he had in Atlantic City at the Taj before the State of New Jersey took it all over last week because the bottom fell out of Trump's casino dice roll. I immediately thought of General George Patton saying that a wall was a monument to human stupidity. Patton ran over walls and he'd have ended war like Henry Van Ness Boynton, Smedley Butler, Pat Tillman and Theodore 'Ted' Westhusing would have liked to, too. Then it came to whether or not Rudy Giuliani or Trey Gowdy would become the Attorney General and if Obama would pardon Hillary on his way out the door.....and could a President pardon himself for 'all my sins of omission and commission?'," said Flockmen.
"Me? I didn't buy it, any of it. I didn't vote. So why the hell am I feeling buyer's remorse? I think I know. When I was a seminarian I stood on the campus that had been purchased from the Scottish Rite Masons that were founded in the USA by Jefferson Davis' chief indian agent, Albert Pike. Now Pike was a war profiteer if there ever was one and great at hiding the truth under a gigantic ego and a heapin' pile of gnostic mumbo jumbo. Pike was also the chief legal counsel for the KKK which Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest created and left. Alphonso Taft joined Albert Pike's Cincinnati Scottish Rite Temple which his son, William Howard Taft, joined in 1908. Here we have the merger of the Germanic Thule traditions of Wilhelm Wundt and Albert Pike's Prussian royal couturiers and we wonder why George Herbert Walker Bush's sister-in-law, Elizabeth Kauffman Bush, was the Goddaughter of the German/British Saxe-Gotha-Coburg,'s belle, Wallis Simpson Windsor whom Winston Churchill trusted like a pet cobra. Albert Pike had stuck the Masonry of Washington, Franklin and the other Founders on a new pole that was far removed from their Christianized York Rite Masonry and replaced it with the old world model of top-down, pyramidal, monarchial crap that the Pilgrims and their kin left Europe to escape. So in due course in cities like Cincinnati or St. Louis these Jacobite/Tory back biters reconstituted the flawed vision of a Dark Ages order upon which the long line of limp leaders like Longshanks depended to rule. St. Louis' Veiled Prophet Ball was a local coronation of the KKK bimbos that would have had Washington puking in his porridge, but they repeated that crap in cities across the country. Talking about dumbing down in drag. So, I kept having this gnawing feeling that whatever I was learning about God and Jesus and the Gospel was being filtered like coffee through an old cheese cloth that had the accumulated taste of having been used for a lot of other straining.....cottage cheese......barley mush....whatever. I got only a hint of what it was what I was coming to savor....the rest was confusing....really confusing. That's what it was like in the 2016 election. Hell, that's what it's been like in the U.S. for a long time with this two party system that offers no real freedom of choice and leadership that's always moldy. Whatever was strained through the cheesecloth of Tuesday's election.....it still tastes pretty damn rancid. Trump will stick his brand on it and tell us we should be so happy with it because it's his, but it'll still taste like the co-mingled shit-shots of earlier dumps, and deep down inside we'll know it, but we won't admit it. Why? Because we've been really dumbed down! Even further than Jeb's family of Wilhelm Wundt-wonks intended....like a tough piece of meat that's been too long marinated in a pineapple enzyme and turned to mush because the enzyme doesn't quit working until it feels the 160 degree heat of a fire....the flames of its salvation."