Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Angelina Jolie's Leg Shows Growing Knobs

Angelina Jolie’s Knobby Knees Show Early Signs of Osteonecrosis
Angelina Jolie's knees displaying knobs
associated with Early Knobby Knee Syndrome
or EKKS.

Knobologists Agree…. “Pitt Should Have Backed Undervalued Player Aniston”

by Farouk Z. Cohen Ibrahim for CPW News Service

     Knobologist, Dr. Kevin Neidamen, has built a career on helping women with EKKS or Early Knobby Knee Syndrome, adjust to the inevitable deterioration of their joints.  “Nothing is more painful than the onset of ostenonecrosis in the knees, especially when you’re use to having people drool over your formerly shapely legs.”

Aniston's smoother, shaplier and knobless legs
show "better genes" according to Dr. Kevin Neidamen
who indicated that Aniston's legs rank a 9.999 on
a 10.0 scale, while Jolie's knees are a 6.231.

     Neidamen who led a survey of knobologists to evaluate the photos of Angelina’s knees said “95.75% of the knobologists agree that Angelina is way behind the curve on the odds of beating EKKS.”
    Neidamen noted that Brad Pitt would have done much better in staying with Jennifer Aniston if he was in the market for undervalued, but exceedingly excellent knee and joint genetics in what Neidamen characterized as “an undervalued player like the ones he was supposedly looking for in the Academy Award nominated movie Money Ball.” 

Angelina's 68 year old knees as seen from
a knobologist's computer simulation

     Neidamen provided a computer simulation of Angelina’s legs as he predicts they will look when she reaches 68 years old.  "The program takes existing photos and combines them with a variety of genetic, hormonal, dietary and life-style factors including frequency of copulation and rigid knee posing," said Dr. Neidamen.
     Sources close to Angelina and Brad say that it is not true that Angelina's Oscar Awards ceremony black dress was inspired by the earlier high-slit black dress worn by Ms. Aniston during an NBC event and that the rumors of Angelina finding photos of Ms. Aniston wearing this dress in Brad's wallet were highly exaggerated, though Angelina reportedly had what appeared to be DNA on the photos removed for lab testing.  "He's a boob and lip man," said the friend who wished not to be identified.  "Good thing," said Dr. Neidamen.  "You can always do something about the boobs and lips, silicone and botox, but knobby knees?  Sorry."

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