Earthquake Shaken National Cathedral Sees Hope In New Gargoyles

Damaged National Cathedral Brings New Opportunities For New Gargoyles

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

     Often seen as an inspiration for young and old alike, the gargoyles at the National Cathedral, all 112 of them, provide the subject for mythic tales and interesting speculation.  The Cathedral completed over a 90 year span, found ancient samples of gargoyles as well as newer ones.  Most notably, the Darth Vader gargoyle was submitted to the Cathedral by a Midwestern schoolboy who provided the winning sketch in a gargoyle contest.  Darth is now seen on the Northwest parapet of the bell tower looking down from what some envision is his perch near the top of his Evil Empire.

     As comparisons between Vader and Dick Cheney arose around the Vice President's outspoken support of water boarding and other enhanced interrogation techniques, one well-humored Wall Street financier offered to replace the gargoyle opposite Darth with the likeness of Mr. Cheney.

     George Mason Chisselman, president of the independent mason and stonecarver’s group, The International Fraternity of Gargoyle Carvers or IFGC, sees the recent earthquake damage to the National Cathedral as a wonderful teaching moment that he feels was missed in the contest won by the Vader entry.
    “When the often brutal monarchs and Popes who commissioned the building of Europe’s massive basilicas and cathedrals mistreated the stone masons, they rebelled.  They organized into trade unions and as a reminder to what they perceived as the rulers of their Evil Empire, they placed gargoyles on the parapets to mock the tyrannical dictators.  What happened with the placement of Darth was a subtle shift from the truth of the original intent of Europe’s greatest stone masons whose ties to the Masonic order are well documented.  The recent destruction at the Cathedral provides a wonderful opportunity to teach the truth of this history and to put up some gargoyles to help highlight and continue the tradition,” said Chisselman.
     So far Chisselman, who has no connection to the Cathedral, has received requests from a variety of interested parties who are hopeful that he will represent them in their quest to adorn the massive structure with gargoyles of special interest.

Proposed Freddie Kreuger gargoyle, left. 
Ozzie Osbourne gargoyle, right.

      “Yes, well we received a request from a group calling themselves the ‘B Movie Gaffers Union for Freddie Krueger’s Gargoyle’.   There is also a group calling themselves ‘Friends of Mahatmas Ghandi’ who want Ghandi’s likeness on the church.  Another group calling themselves ‘Knights of the Hoffa Teamsters’ want murdered Teamster president and union organizer, Jimmy Hoffa, on the church.  Another from South America calling themselves ‘Doctors For Che’ sent a photo that they envisioned would help get their point across.  Even Malcolm X has inspired one group to ask that a bust of Malcolm X be placed there with the word ‘Praise Alah’, beneath his likeness.  Another group calling themselves ‘The Geronimo Gang’ has asked that a skull of Geronimo be set in stone as a National Cathedral gargoyle with the inscription beneath it of ‘Ezekiel 37:10’,” said Chisselman.

Geronimo's Skull.  Beneath is carved
Ezekiel 37:10

     We attempted to contact church member and former General Counsel for the George Herbert Walker Bush administration, C. Boyden Gray, heir of the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco fortune for his impressions of the proposal for new gargoyles, but he was out of the country.  Sources close to Mr. Gray and other church members said "it'll be a cold day in hell and a hot day in heaven when Che Guavara's likeness goes up on that church."  When told that the first gargoyles were placed on Europe's churches by union masons, we were told 'go xxxx yourself, you xxxxxxx communist," said Chisselman.  Gray, whose brother was a founding member of the Federalist Society told the 2007 annual meeting of the 40,000 member group that the office of the Independent Counsel, of which Lawrence Walsh, author of the book Firewall, was one, had "made the conduct of U.S. foreign policy a crime."

Che gargoyles on church
in San Leon, Bolivia

     Meanwhile, human rights watchers in Egypt, Syria and Libya we're being shown evidence that U.S. foreign policy in those nations has been as much a crime as Iran-Contra was in Central America.   "Add to that the revelation that the Geneva Convention is violated by secret elements of American foreign policy in Libya or Egypt or Syria and whoa!  These places provided secret CIA renditioning sites.    Qaddafi's secret service was as brutal as that of the Shah of Iran whose empire was established by displacement of a democratically elected leader with the help of the father of Gulf War hero, General Norman Schwarzkopf and...whoa... again.  Saddam Hussein, likewise, was supported by the U.S. in his war against Iran until Schwarzkopf Sr.'s son subdued him after Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait presumably with the initial nod of American diplomat, April Glasby, and.... whoa... a third time."  What was that about?  I asked.  "Justification for an invasion, perhaps.  Then there's the other dictators including the Saudi Royal family," said Mr. Chisselman who continued...."and the teaching moment has never been better for placing new gargoyles on church buildings that will help the Christian community worhipping inside to better embrace the need to practice love on the outside!"