Lost Letter of Thomas Jefferson Laments Illusive Nature of Happiness

Life, Liberty and Property Were Protective Role of Governments, but Happiness?

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Thomas Jefferson and the trunk where letter was found.

It was the philosopher John Locke who building upon the imagination of Greek and Roman philosophers described the role of government as providing the protection of life, liberty and property.  Thomas Jefferson provided an alteration of Locke's famous assessment and in writing the Declaration of Independence included the duty of the new American government to help citizens secure the "pursuit of happiness" as a substitute for "property".  "My Soul, are we to create a nation whose chief end is the pursuit of property?" asked Jefferson in this never before seen letter, unearthed in the bowels of the nation's chief archive.  "If this is the case I envision that one day people will see the new nation as nothing more than a marketplace of commerce, perhaps laying aside cherished traditions like church attendance, social discourse and healthy balanced living for gluttonous forms of self-indulgence.  Property?  Happiness is a broader goal and if people choose even an ethereal goal like perfect meditation and silence,  the abolition of some wasting disease, writing the most beautiful song, or sonnet or novel, the accumulation of land from sea to shining sea or the collection of little dust collecting nic nacks, gadgets, gizmos, do-dads and what nots, who am I to say, but clearly 'life, liberty and property' sounds much less deserving as 'life liberty and the pursuit of happiness,'" wrote Mr. Jefferson from his porch at Monticello.


Thomas Jefferson's parents were Peter and Jane Randolph Jefferson who lived in the Goochland Shire, Tuckahoe Creek and Fort Germanna region of the Shenandoah Valley where Joseph Rutherford Walker, the scout for John C. Fremont, builder of the first Transcontinental Railroad, was born.  Joseph Walker was son of Joseph Walker Sr. and Susan Willis Walker whose plantation was near William Randolph II, the cousin of Thomas Jefferson's mother.

We now know that this "pursuit of happiness" did not include all Americans and that some were stomped beneath the onslaught as if in a stampede in a department store wedding dress sale as the maniacal hopefuls storm the opening doors. "Pursuit of happiness" may have been partially an inspiring public relationship gimmick used to sanatize the tactics needed to pursue happiness across prairie thistles, copperheads, water moccasins and to separate new land from hostile folks trying to hold on to their own neck of the woods that was more like the neck, shoulders, torso, hips, thighs, calves, feet and toenails.  Native Americans were not considered to be under the protection of the government. Slaves were denied basic human rights, women could not vote and minority groups like Italian, Irish, Jews, Poles and others often found the privilege of full citizenship afforded to some, but not afforded to others.  Germans faired better because many had immigrated from their British and French mercenary jobs following European wars to the bloody American frontier.  "Men had it good," said Beaman C. Rimfire of the Society for Rejuvenation of Masculine Imaging, a Washington D.C. masculine imaging, brandy sniffing and cigar boutique firm, though the name "boutique" does not appear anywhere in the firm's literature.  "The pursuit of happiness wed as it was to territorial expansion made many men happy.  After the Mrs. had filled the cabin with what Jefferson called  'little dust collecting nic nacks, gadgets, gizmos, do-dads and what nots', she'd have to sell them or risk losing them in a river forging.  As for Thomas Jefferson, 'Tommy' to those of us feel we know him, except for France, he liked staying put in Virginia near buildings inspired by Miss Sally's dome shaped swollen breasts," said Rimfire.

Monticello, the domed home designed and built
by Thomas Jefferson

"Tommy Jefferson was responsible for one of the great 'go get 'em boys' moments like a Knute Rockne or Vince Lombardi or General George Patton speech," said Rimfire whose organization raises millions each year for men's causes through the It's Still Got Hair On It Barbecue and Beer Fest in Huntsville, Alabama.  "Tommy set the tone of the long touchdown run and cheerleaders like Horace Greeley and Thomas Hart Benton stoked the thundering engine that rode the rails of Jefferson's inspiring rhetoric," said Rimfire.  "The further he could expand the wilderness frontier, the safer were Tommy's architectural creations," Rimfire concluded.

Thomas Jefferson at times lamented this fact according to the letter found in the lining of his favorite trunk which was discovered last Thursday at the Smithsonian Institute.  Curator John Smith said "this is a remarkable find," which was originally housed in the National Archive.

"I have many worldly goods which I have pursued with the protection of the new American government, but I confess before God Almighty, that in pursuing more and more land for the United States, with some for myself, I equated the pursuit of happiness with the Westward expansion which I argued that God Almighty had manifestly destined us to acquire regardless of the cost. If we do not move to suckle and nurture the new land we will find it orphaned and apprehended by Spain or France.  If it costs people their lives, either the poor unfortunate native peoples who had not yet figured out how to subdivide its vast expanses to suckle and subdue it, or the poor immigrants who will arrive from Europe to help claim it from the natives, then it is clear that the 'pursuit of life, liberty and happiness' as I had express it, was tarnished like silver from the beginning and not fit to be used in the serving of  a single crumpet much less as a rationale for the ever rolling tide of our Westward ambitions, but circumstance dictate that crumpets be served on a tarnished tray. Happiness is not found in a particular place or object...shinny or tarnished.  Happiness is a condition of the mind and spirit and can be the natural state of those who live without the benefit of a reasoned government.  My greatest desire is for the government we have created to in no way hinder the happiness of its citizens with a system of tax collectors and tax collection processes that befuddles and confounds our people as we have experienced under the damnable monarch, King George.  The earth is round like a ball and balls rebound and bounce in multiple directions making the anticipation of their course unpredictable.  Our new nation's tax collection processes should not mimic this phenomenon, but should be as flat as a slab of granite and entirely predictable, equitable and not impede the free flow of commerce," wrote Jefferson who seems to tie his love of architecture together with his rejection of Christian faith, but sees Christian churches as assisting the Westward expansion.  "The unpredictable nature of the tax collector, among whose ranks was Jesus' follower Matthew, cannot be counted on to push onward.  For that it takes real religious zeal which is why I promote the building of the towering church spires wherever resources and inclinations permit and that these edifices go untaxed by the confining bureaucrats of the governmental order.  While they remind me of a man's finest asset, I much prefer in architecture as in life the domed creations like that of Monticello, which I find most often replicated in the  Unitarian structures and other places of worship."  Mr. Smith admitted that he wasn't sure what Jefferson meant by "other places of worship," but that the letter itself may provide a clue.

The twin domes of Monticello
and the Jefferson
Monument

"I am never happier than when I am in the arms of Miss Sally, but in as much as she is not afforded the benefits of government which I described for some, my happiness quickly fades when I leave her company and consider the hypocritical nature of my past articulations.  Congress has saddled me with the responsibility of writing out of America's law the British primogeniture biases.  This I have done, but I fear that within a generation or two a new monarchy will replace the old.  A monarchy not of royal blood which dies to defend first-born sons, but of business corporations as rigidly controlled as the British monopoly, the East India Company,  is by the Crown and through which a new caste of dominant families will arise.  They will not call the chief investor King nor his first-born, Prince, but they will sit over their own small Kingdoms just the same and will seek plunder without true achievement....and hide their frivolity frolicking under the banner of  'life, liberty and pursuit of happiness' as naked nymphs tiptoeing through daisies and tulips while others fertilize their gardens.  I invoked "happiness" in replacing Locke's words....'life, liberty and property' because it provided an inclusion that Locke's words did not.  They will hide behind the veil of progressive appearances, but through subterfuge and denial they will control the nation's wealth through interlocking directorates and unexpressed, but ironclad and highly exclusive business alliances.  Because our nation's liberty from the Old World tyranny was acquired with the help of lead, steel and gunpowder, these families will be increasingly invested in the arsenal of our freedom.  They will equate patriotism with support of their corporations.  Soon they will forget the purpose of the weapons we used to resist King George and the profits provided through the Revolution will become an end in itself and 'Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness' will become 'the pursuit of life, liberty and property' once again.  Happiness is happiness.  Things are things, but I would certainly be happy right now with a glass of wine, a fine Cuban cigar and the lovely Miss Sally at my side to savor before this growing nation discovers more than lead and sulphur with which to fuel the Westward thrust and the new complex web of a spider-like military establishment which extracts from the people the freedom, liberty and happiness for which they initially fought."

Leading scholars from around the world are expressing their excitement that this final reference prophetically described what Dwight D. Eisenhower said in his departing speech in which he articulated his fear of a reliance upon a new "military industrialist complex".  "It's quite possible that Jefferson's message was transferred to Ike by means of a paranormal conduit or medium," said Dr. Starr B. Bellweather, the curator at the Museum of Paranormal Prophecies in Quincy, Massachusetts.

ROVING WIRETAPS, PATRIOT ACTS AND RANDOM VISITATIONS

Patriot Act Power Tightened and Extended 

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

On Thursday Congress passed a four-year extension of post-Sept. 11 Federal powers to search records and conduct roving wiretaps of possible terrorists. Votes taken in both the Senate and House came after lawmakers rejected attempts to augment the law to ensure that individual liberties are not abused.

The vote of 250-153 in the House, passed the legislation to renew three terrorism-fighting authorities headed for the president's signature with only hours to go before the bill expires at midnight tonight, but is expected to be signed by President Obama who is reportedly reading Oscar C. Havermeir's new book The Persuasive Power of Wartime Presidents.

“Bin Laden's ghost is still a serious, serious threat to our national security,” said Willard Whistlemon a Washington analyst for the Center for Paranormal Abnormalities, a Washington D.C. consulting firm that provided technical support for the film Ghost Busters.  If you need any proof that Bin Laden remains a significant terroristic threat even after his death, consider what happened to the nation after the death of Elvis Presley," said Mr. Whistlemon.

According to retired Marine Gen. Ferdinand B. Wheeler of the Coalition of Renewed Applications of Patriotic Sounding Injunctions, “There is significant concern that the spread of Middle Eastern democracies may cause a similar reaction here in the U.S. and Uncle Sam is going to need all the power he can muster to keep his little nieces and nephews at bay.”

Officers for the Office of Homeland Security asked if the bill contained provisions for civilian quartering of officers and terrorism investigators in private homes. Some argued that since Osama Bin Laden was wealthy and would be more likely to hide out and produce premonitions in more affluent neighborhoods, that many of them would be willing to apply for duty in these dangerous regions especially in certain areas of Beverly Hills, West Palm Beach and the Hamptons.

Nazi Super Dogs

Jan Bondeson's New Book Speaks For Itself

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

     Times Magazine's William Lee Adams' review of Cardiff University historian Jan Bondeson's new book Amazing Dogs: A Cabinet of Canine Curiosities reveals that in the 1920's the Nazis were attempting to create smarter dogs....dogs capable of talking and more.
     The developing science of animal psychology parallelled the development of human psychology and the Germans, being great lovers of dogs, particularly German Shepherds, Weimaraners, Dobermans and the Deutsch Drahthaars or German Wire-haired hunting dogs, believed that dogs could take the place of Jewish bankers, diamond cutters and physicians, though Joseph Goebbels summarily dismissed their effectiveness as butchers, meat packers and poultry farmers citing a potential public relations and propaganda nightmare if meat rationing became necessary.  Hitler set up the Tier-Sprechschule or Animal Talking School in Hanover near the Saxe-Gotha region of Central Germany in order to support this new science.

     Rejecting the English Bulldog for being too English, even the Aryan-Anglo Yorkshire Terrier was rejected for having too much of a Cockney accent along with a tendency to growl when forced to say "Heil Hitler", said Bondeson.
     Nazi scientists were optimistic that Der Fliegender Hollander or "The Flying Dutchman", a small Dutch Aryan mix specially trained to provide the Luftwaffe with secret coordinates for night time aerial bombardments, would set new standards for Tier-Sprechschule graduates, but sadly he misinterpreted the name of the wing commander Col. Gerhardt Fleisch, fleisch meaning literally "meat on the bone" and the dog redirected the planes to his own position.

"Flying Dutchman" in training at Hanover Germany's
Tier-Sprechschule

     Techniques for teaching dogs to talk were varied, but the most effective one was the use of Hund Reizen or "dog teasing".  For the effectiveness of this technique as it has developed following the importation of Nazi scientists to America through the CIA sponsored Operation Paperclip see....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw

Ed Schultz Show Host Apologizes for Bashing Laura Ingraham

Expert Says Rhetoric Must Walk Fine Line

by Winsip Custer

Following his Tuesday night rant at conservative talk show diva, Laura Ingraham, Ed Schultz apologized and removed himself indefinitely from the airways.  "I have embarrassed my family," said Ed who admitted that during a career that reaches back to 1978 this is the lowest of the lows.

I asked Dr. Philbert Wegnets of the Center for Refined Rhetoric to analyze what Ed had said and to give some alternatives to the kind of non-bucolic verbiage that triggers anger, retaliation and resentment.

"First of all Ed called Laura Ingraham a 'conservative slut'.  That draws too vivid a picture.  It lays out for everyone images of a woman who is constantly on her back for conservative causes and who indiscriminately embraces, but not necessarily for pay, only conservative causes.  Ed would have been on firmer ground if he had said that "Laura Ingraham is a conservative prostitute,' said Wegnets.

"While I would not think that it would be wise for Ed to call her a 'conservative whore', though if you consider who pays her for her opinions this may, in fact, be a more accurate picture than 'conservative slut'.  I have viewed her video tape of her early Fox News rehearsal and find that while what Ed said attempts to capture some sense of this woman's vileness, which in all honesty matches his own, it is best to avoid the direct connection of calling someone something like a 'slut.'  I think if he had said 'Laura Ingraham practices slutty conservative tactics' he would have not opened himself to this unfortunate embarrassment.  Now, for some clear and pointed rebuttal, Ed should NOT have apologized in the manner in which he did.  Typically the man looks shifty as he says 'I'm sorry' and looks off camera toward the floor.  He comes off looking like a shifty buffoon.  Men in communication are on unequal ground when they are 'hot' personalities and by 'hot' I mean a lightening rod for people's anger by expressing their own.  We clearly saw this in that other Bozo-ish personality on Fox who finally retired, bless my soul!"

I asked Dr. Wegnets if he meant Glenn Beck.  "Yes, that's him.  That impishly, borderline bimbo-ish, Bozo-ish, mentally challenged, ascetically displeasing, buzz-cut, jack-ass-ish, bilge water-ish, pimp-ish, male prostitute-ish, weasel-ish former television personality."


For Laura Ingraham's video which informed Ed Schultz's remarks see
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3lCfHtaR30

Oprah's Gone So Where's The Beef?

Savoring the Chalaque Beef Bouillon of the Punjabi Jab

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Burgermeister Breed's "Ribeye" an ancestor of
"Big Bubba Singh".

Jonathan L. Leichester was a first cousin once removed from Princess Augusta of the German Saxe-Gotha family, the daughter of Frederick II, the Duke of Saxe-Gotha-Altenburg. Augusta married the eldest son of King George II of England who named the city of Augusta, Georgia after his daughter-in-law.

 Jonathan Leichester moved from Leichester House in London's fashionable West Side to the American colonial city of Augusta, Georgia  in 1803. He brought with him the Hereford bull, Prince Albert, and a dozen Hereford cows.  He also brought a set of fine golf clubs which he was hoping to use on a new golf course envisioned for Augusta. The clubs were lost by a group of disgruntled Irish baggage handlers in Portmouth.  Jonanthan also had hopes of building a Gutta Percha (gutty golfball) factory using the Hereford cattle gut but turned the factory into a carpet mill instead.  The mill originally made cotton rugs, then cotton and silk rug blends and then became America's biggest petro-chemical synthetic carpet weavers with the discovery of oil on Leichester's Western land holdings in the American Southwest.

Leichester's Herefords, known for their meat producing qualities, were not fond of the intemperate weather in the lower American colony. As offspring of the Leichester family moved ever westward with their cattle following the vast acquisitions of land that were opening across Tennessee, Kentucky and Arkansas and with the promise of a future Trans-Continental Railroad from Savannah or Charleston to San Diego, California, the Herefords found the going increasingly tougher. The terrain became harsher and more inhospitable.

Augusta Saxe-Gotha Altenburg

With the future help of an American railroad baroness, Mrs. E.H. Harriman, and the American Breeder's Association whose members would find parallel interests in the eugenics program at Cold Spring Harbor, New York, great interest was invested in applying the emerging science of genetic engineering to the development of a hardier cattle.  What was needed was an all-weather breed that could battle the vicissitudes associated with this tough new environment.  Enter the Burgermeister Breed.

When Jonathan L. Leichester met his first Texas Longhorn-Shorthorn crossbreed and fell in love with a bull named "Shorty Longfellow", he said with a uniquely Southern accent that had quickly shed its Cockney flavor ..."That cow has all the qualities we need for lickin’ this gall danged climate, them prairie cactus and them burred thistles of this barren land.  Plus it wouldn't hurt for the breed to become more diverse.  I'm worried that it may become like those gall danged Romanov's or even King George, my own kith and kin, and end up with hemophilia or some double-downed form of dementia."  Naming the first cow "Augusta", after King George's daughter-in-law and the city in Walker County Georgia, for which Augusta, Georgia was named, Leichester realized after a few years that Augusta's offspring were still lacking in one important quality.  "These dang beasts are great, except that they are walking magnets for all form of insects...flies, mosquitoes, ticks and the like.  It ain’t healthy and makes for unhappy skinny cows and skinny cows lose money" said Leichester whose dislike of the Romanov's seems to have begun when his family purchased some sick cows from the House of Holstein-Gottorp-Romanov.

Enter Leichester's cousin from Punjab, India, Sir James Abbott, known there as "Chalaque", and for whom the city in Northern Punjab, Abbottsabod,  where Osama Bin Laden was captured and killed, was named.   That city, now in Pakistan was originally a part of Punjab, India.  Arriving through the Port of Indianola on the Central Texas coast in 1841, Big Bubba Singh, the Brahma bull purchased by Abbott from the Sikh soldier Madras Singupta Singh, was just the addition to the genetic strain that Leichester was hoping would bug-proof his cows.

Big Bubba Singh and Augusta produced the first of the Burgermeister Breed.  The rest is now history.  Jonathan L. Leichester's son, Sonny, would team up with Texas rancher Ricardo DeLeon Pina Koenig and together they would produce the herd that heard America's call for beefsteak and leather-goods.  Eventually their cows would make Burger King famous, but they would also bring, about a hundred years later, the ire of Chicago television personality Ophra Winfrey.

Ophra targeted the Lone Star State’s beef barons by asking a simple question that had been bothering her even before she met a best-selling vegetarian.  "If it's good for animals to diversify genetically, why are you breeders of cattle so inbred yourselves?" said sociologist Felicity O'Migalsh of the McGill University who has argued in her book Oprah Ropes The Beef Barons,  that Oprah’s show set the beef industry on its ear by disclosing feeding practices that her guest claimed were responsible for Mad Cow Disease.  “That show was really a smoke screen for Oprah’s deeper question about genetic engineering and issues of racial purity,” said O’Migalsh.

"You may remember the now-famous April, 1996  Ophra program in which Oprah had allowed a debate between Gary Weber of the National Cattleman's Beef Association (NCBA) and vegetarian activist Howard Lyman. Mr. Lyman had easily won the argument horrifying Oprah and her audience.  The vivid details about cannibalistic animal-feeding practices caught everyone off guard.   Links to England's outbreak of Mad Cow Disease were also shown by Mr. Lyman.  The cattlemen had responded by pulling $600,000 in advertising from Oprah's television network. Then came the legal action," said O'Migalsh.

When asked if there was more going on with Oprah's appearance in a Texas court, O'Migalsh said "Oh, of course. I believe that Oprah has a desire to be joined by a hulking Texas male cattle breeder and like the Queen of Sheba making a pilgrimage to the court of Solomon or the Nubian Cleopatra parading into Rome, she was carrying her well-researched understanding of the place that cross-breeding had played in the Texas cattle culture," said O'Migalsh.  "There is a saying among American black women who are disciplining their daughters, 'You better straighten up or I'll whup you till you rope like Op-rah.'  What that means is that Oprah subconsciously sees herself as the breeder that can keep the Herefords, Longhorns, Shorthorns, Brahmas or even Burgermeisters from becoming a weakened species and who'll go out there and rope her own cattle, brand them and breed them for the sake of a more diverse herd.  A herd that will be perhaps used for only methane gas production," said O'Migalsh.

I asked Dr. Demitri Demitrius of the University of Piraeus to provide a deeper analysis of Oprah's journey to Texas to take on the cattlemen.  "Well, it's not about diversification of the genetic line.  Not really.  That’s as much a smoke screen as the Mad Cow thing.  It is all about the dilution of the family pocket book.  If you look closely you will see that behind Jonathan Leichester is the Hanovers and Saxe-Gothas/Windsors and the future eugenicists who denounce integrated human marriages. Remember the German name Saxe-Gotha was changed to Windsor, to hide from their British subjects the increasingly inbred nature of their dynasty.  Leichester would link up in the American West with the German Hessian mercenary troops who had fought against the Americans in the American Revolution.  Following the American Revolution these Hessians were stuck in America, ostracized in the East they migrated to the barren West ahead of Jonthan Leichester and his cattle, but natural allies in their love of beer and beef bratwurst. Camouflage is nature’s most prolific defense mechanism so they didn't announce their intertwined British and German roots.  Nature may show the value of genetic diversification, but in the realm of human dynasties the thrust is toward decreasing diversity in order to maintain tight control of the purse strings.  That was why the poor Hessians were stuck in America.  The Saxe-Gothas were too cheap to return them to Europe after the Revolution.  Wherever they went they created little German speaking cities with names like Berlin, Hanover or Germantown....before World War I.....or Hitlerville before World War II....often changing those names to Smithville or Jonestown to avoid persecution as events unfolded and sentiments changed.  Money and power can paint over a boat load of bilge bottom seam splitters.  The painting is usually done by a powerful inner circle that becomes increasingly protective of the family’s assets as their royal genes become genetically weakened until, as with the Romanovs, they, well, spring a leak and everything, including their power descends into the abyss," said Dr. Demitrius.

A very lean
Hindu Godhead,
but bug resistant
Brahma breed.

"In India, the Hindus would not eat Big Bubba Singh because he was considered a god and they would have been brutal in their defense of Big Bubba if they knew he was headed to a beef eating nation. But have you looked at a picture of Indian Brahma cattle lately?  Scrawny looking aren't they?  Protected as royalty the Brahma loose their genetic resilience and vigor.  That's also an example of this genetic anti-diversity principle at work.   We’ve seen it happen among the Vikings of Greenland who died off during the Little Ice Age by refusing to learn from, integrate with and diversify their hunting methods with the even more robust Inuits. Then look at a picture of Jabba Babba, the top Burgermeister bull from last years Great Southwest Cattle Auction in Lubbock, Texas.  I rest my case," said Demetrius as he ate his Burger King hamburger.

I asked Dr. Demitrius this questions in hopes of elucidating his previous comment....
"It is my understanding that when the future President of the U.S. Confederacy, Jefferson Davis, was surveying the Southern Trans-Continental Railroad route across the U.S. in the 1850's, a route that the Northern states desired to control and went to war to do so under the guise of the abolition of slavery, that Davis helped Jonathan Leichester to choose the best water-crossings for his new breed and that he even laid out the foundation for Jonathan's future plantation-style ranch house. Do you know anything about that?"  Dr. Demitrius seemed more interested in the cows’ European and Punjab connections, but answered.

"The Leichesters were not only American breeders, but English...and by English I mean English/German/Saxe-Gotha/Windsor empire builders as shown in their ability to get Big Bubba out of Madras without starting a riot among the Hindus who were controlled by the English and Sikhs.  Sikhs were the Indian warrior class pacified by the English and then united with them in their love for ribeye steaks.  Germany’s Adolf Hitler told the Sikh’s that they were Aryans and that they would play a major role in his new worldwide empire if they’d follow him…and I’ve already said that the Saxe-Gotha’s of Britain were Germans, even though they abandoned the Hessians in America further reducing their own gene pool in Europe. You are aware that the Duke of Windsor’s wife, Wallace Simpson, was a Nazi spy during World War II.  It was no accident that in the 1930’s the Texas oil man, William Rhodes Davis, who was selling gasoline to Hitler also claimed to be related to Cecil Rhodes, the head of the DeBeers Diamond Company in Rhodesia and to Jefferson Davis of the Confederacy," Demitrius explained.

"Southern slave owners were not likely to find allies among modern Brits, nor the French or Spanish who had a longer history of rejecting slavery even if they'd later support 20 cents an hour workers in their own Indo-Chinese factories under the new banner of 'globalization'.  Hitler’s totalitarian leanings would pique the interest of these Southerners as his Fortress Europe rose from the ashes of the First World War.  Some of these same Southerners would find the pro-Nazi leanings of Charles Lindberg, Henry Ford, John Burroughs and other American industrialists who tried to get retired two-time Congressional Medal of Honor winner, General Smedley Butler, to lead a fascist coup against Franklin D. Roosevelt, appealing" said Demitrius. "The truth of American history was systematically cut out of American public schools and college textbooks after World War II, perhaps as part of an agreement for the unqualified support of FDR's New Deal.

The great Southwest had been carved up initially by the Spaniards and French, then the Mexicans and Americans.  Had Germany won, it would have been the center, once again, for the slave trade within the new Nazi Empire. The Gulf Coast and Caribbean rim with its cotton fields, sugar and now, stevia, plantations, would have made an excellent new Auschwitz or Treblinka which could have been why Brazil, Argentina, Chile and Peru had been a haven for Nazi doctors after the war with German POW interment camps located along the U.S. Gulf Coast.  After the definitive loss of the Confederacy, some of the defeated Confederates still envisioned a Golden Triangle in the Gulf and Caribbean rim as had William Walker, that 'Grey-eyed man of destiny' who was destined to occupy a Central American grave for his botched filibustering attempt in Honduras.  He was defeated by the army of Costa Rica which later, in a not so strange twist of irony, would become headquarters for the CIA linked United Fruit Company. Historically the Apaches were a wild card in the American Southwest, but the even wilder card was the poor Southerner's who discovered during Reconstruction that the hand that was carpet bagging them after their Civil War was attached to the Leichesters and their German kin, the Saxe-Gothas of the British Royal family, their enemies in the American Revolution and distrusted by Churchill and many of the English, especially those of the Cromwellian and Puritan bent.  Many of the Carpetbaggers' carpet bags were made in the Leichester family carpet mill in Georgia," said Demitrius.

"These Saxe-Gothas wanted to use the American Southern Transcontinental railroad to San Diego, California for shipment of cattle to their oriental empires like Singapore where beef and broccoli was a favorite dish.  Then they’d use the same route to bring back spices, oriental rugs, silk and opium" said Demitrius, "Especially opium.  It weighed less and if the voyage was unbearable you can't smoke nutmeg or silk.  The shorter voyage with opening of the Transcontinental Railroad  meant that more of the opium got to market, sold as it was in patent medicines until the passing of the Food & Drug Act and later sold as street drugs as a kind of undeclared tax on America's citizens, especially the poor and young. The Leichester family members in Britain were also aligned with their industrialized cotton weaving mill owners of Liverpool and the Northern U.S. cities...New York, Boston, Baltimore.  They were controlling things far beyond Americas' ability to ascertain following the American Revolution and American Civil War.  The Brits just didn't count on the ruffian rebels of the South who would have been unstoppable against them if they had united across racial barriers to hold onto their part of America, but who'd become, as we've seen in places like Appalachia, as ingrown as the European Royals, but without their deeper pockets.  The British Royals had an interest in seeing that the Southern plantation owners stayed as segregated from their former subjects as were the Saxe-Gothas…I mean Windsors....were from their British subjects, particularly the royal-head-lopping Puritans,” said Dr. Demitrius who noted that a recent episode of the popular TV show 30 Rock chronicled in parody the concerns that Oprah carried forward to lay at the doorstep of the Texas cattlemen.

Patti Baena Jumping For Joy Over Pregnancy

Schwarzenegger's House Keeper Proud As Punch Of Pregnancy

by Winsip Custer, CPW News Service

With news that the 2001 and 2003 stories of Arnold Schwarzenegger's groping of upwards of twenty women prior to his gubernatorial elections, Patti Baena said "I liked it when Arnold groped me.  Grope, grope, grope.  I love groping.  Of course it obviously didn't stop with groping.  There was some serious roping, too, groping and roping... as was evidenced by my shapely new figure.  Not every house keeper can keep Arnold Schwarzenegger happy, but I did.  I did."

Maria Shriver Schwarzenegger has separated from her famous actor/governor husband pending divorce actions.  Maria, taking a low profile, is said to have commented "too bad it wasn't twins so he could do a remake of that movie, too," and "I wouldn't feel quite so bad if the house keeper had looked like Demi Moore, Nicole Kidman, Rosanne Barr or even Rosie O'Donnell."

Walt Disney Copyrights "Seal Team Six" and Touchstone Copyrights "SEAL TEAM SEX"

DISNEY COPYRIGHTS "SEAL TEAM SIX" and 

"SEAL TEAM SEX"

by Winsip Custer CPW News Services

Learning that Seal Team Six, the Navy Seal unit that captured and killed Osama Bin Laden in Abbottsabod, Pakistan, had not copyrighted their nomenclature, the Disney Corporation rushed to claim exclusive rights to the Seal team's name.  A film about the now famous mission is being written and action figures and other novelties are expected to make millions.

Touchstone Pictures one of several alternate film labels of the Walt Disney Company which develops adult themes and was established in 1984 has also copyrighted the name "Seal Team Sex".   Touchstone Pictures releases features with more mature themes and darker tones than those that are released under the Walt Disney Pictures banner.

ERIK PRINCE OF UNITED EMIRATES

America's Lawrence of Arabia

by Salubi Bodidobi for CPW News Services

Actress Mia Farrow once met with Erik Prince of Blackwater Security in an attempt to protect refugees in Darfur, but with the announcement that Prince's new company XE Services may be putting down revolts against the UAE's royal family, Farrow is reportedly calling for Prince's exorcism.  "I feel like I really was Rosemary and that I birthed a monster named Erik Prince," said Farrow.

Blackwater moved its headquarters out of the U.S. and changed its name after it received criticism following the accidental killing of 17 Iraqi civilians in 2007 and when it sent an under-equipped and under-supported team of retired U.S. Special Forces recruits into an ambush where their bodies were hung from an Iraqi bridge after being burned.

"That was before my conversion to the Reincarno-Islamic faith," said Prince.  "God Almighty has spoken to me in a dream outside of Abu Dhabi as I walked on blistering hot sand in a stinging sandstorm that made my eyes feel like dirt dobber nests," said Prince.  "When I regained my sight I realized I am the reincarnated Crown Prince Erikapanashadi," said Prince who graduated from the Free Will Baptist college, Hillsdale College, in Hillsdale, Michigan.  "I always dreamed of being a king or prince or just a Knight Templar. It was my ancient role to lead the people of the Emirates to freedom by following their ancient monarchs into the everlasting bliss of heavenly monarchical-worship and eternal subservience," said Prince whose father became wealthy by inventing that essential car accessory...the flip open sun visor mirror.  "Prince had attempted to follow in his father's footsteps by inventing a similar sun visor mirror for motorcycles, but he was frustrated by the fact that motorcycles had no sun visors and so he turned to blowing things up instead," said high school classmate, Sidney Weaver.

Other friends of Princes' in Michigan say that Prince was forever playing with the car mirrors his father invented saying "I see you Erikapanashadi" and that he would dress up in a bed sheet and pretend he was riding a camel through his Michigan neighborhood,  but that he didn't know what it meant until he was caught in the desert sand storm in the UAE.  "Prior to that desert experience he had quit  fixating on the Erikapanashadi thing when the sheet he was wearing got caught in the chain sprocket of his bicycle and flipped him head first against a fire hydrant," said Jimmy Winkleman a friend of Prince's since the fourth grade.

At Hillsdale, after joining a chapter of the Church of Scientology which threatened his expulsion until he convinced the Dean of Students, Dr. Bennie T. Ayres, that he had free will to do whatever he wanted. Prince began to take a keen interest in ongoing Scientology classes and e-meter evaluations and counseling in order to get back to his perfect Thetan state...a divine being that through centuries of birth and rebirth became "unclear" and must be rediscovered through hourly e-meter sessions that can prove quite costly for religious neophytes.  During these sessions the neophyte uncovers his true identity, with hourly sessions costing anywhere from $30-100 depending on the counselors ability to surmise the student's financial resources.  In Erik's case he was regularly charged $250/hour and had to move through 1200 prior Thetans before getting to Erikapanashadi," said former Scientologist counselor Mervin P. Wilberson who is now Betty Jean Wilber of Chicago, Illinois.  "Erik use to tell me 'at least I have your help in finding out who and what I am, poor General George Patton only went as far back as some Roman General," said Miss Wilber.  "Erik believes he went back to a Thetan in the 42 Quaternium of the Amconbolical Era.  Which as you know is a very long time," she concluded.

This week Prince, whose Blackwater Security faced the media and public relations problems in Iraq, has relocated his corporate offices to the United Arab Emirates and has been employed by the UAE's Crown Prince in his bid to maintain stability in his nation which like Egypt, Libya, Syria, Tunisia and other nations in the region are either in the midst of or teetering on the brink of revolution.  "We make a lot of money where there's alot of tettering," said an unnamed XE Services mercenary who goes by the nickname "Xyclopsis".

Xyclopsis said that "I thought I'd make a lot of money working for Erikanpanashadi but so far my company sponsored counseling sessions at XE Clearing Sessions Inc. are costing me more than half of my salary.  My company counselor says that I have been reincarnated about 1100 times and that my real name is 'Washimannitar' who was a very early leader of a secret class of Zoarastrian warriors in the ancient Punjabi region of India."

Why Is Nursing The World's Most Trusted Profession?

by Maria Lititia Romolino Bonaparte Jones for CPW News Service

Every year the most trusted profession is nursing. Why?

Like Eve in the Garden of Eden, the predominantly female profession has not lost its eye for good apples and this side of the Fall they have collectively maintained an elevated sense of what can go wrong when people go too far astray of their primary calling. So there are few "bad apples" in nursing and the bad ones are policed with great scrutiny by the others.

Nurses are about caring, healing and living and as a group they frequently make apple sauce of those that aren't. Death is an everyday aspect of their work, too, but at its heart nursing is a dynamically feminine culture-creator that "mothers" life even when it is ending or is exploited by the masculine arts of combat, warfare or even the thrusts of the surgeon's scalpel which often finds its ever evolving science linked to and refined in the military theater. Nursing has always resisted losing a nurturing and prophetic role in relationship to medicine as a whole, just as did Hippocrates in his concern for "first do no harm".

The shake up of the Roman Catholic Church's iron-clad inquisitor-domination of science was led by Copernicus and Galileo who redirected science and theology from their seats of learning at the University of Padua in Northern Italy. It is not by accident that this was the home of Vasalius, perhaps the world's greatest anatomist. Long a bastion of scholarly dissent, as evidence by the pre-Reformation movement of Peter Waldo and the Venetian, Florentine and Paduan embrace of Saint Luke, the physician, as the preferred, but enigmatic keeper of the church's other keys....those that opened the door to medicine and science... France and Northern Italy were destined to play a significant role in the development of medicine and nursing. Northern Italy and Southern France forged the marriage between and divorce of religion and science and counseled their ongoing parenthood of the child they birthed together. Saint Thomas, the disciple who was not afraid to put his hand in Jesus' wounds is credited with carrying the paintings of Luke... the evangelist and physician... to India. Luke's remains would later be buried at Padua underscoring that community's embrace of both science and religion. Unlike Saint Paul who had traveled the well paved Roman highway west toward Spain, Thomas and Luke headed toward the decidedly more inhospitable east, toward deeper mysteries, in the direction from which the disenchanted Wise Men had followed a star beyond their caste-driven social structures where Greek and Roman ideals of government by inclusion were a rarity. In this aspect of his life, Thomas' "doubting" is seen as "faith seeking understanding", the benchmark of the Ages of Enlightenment, Reason and Reformation.

Circumventing the Roman Catholic inquisition, but losing some of the church's most outspoken critics, this enlightenment would travel the back roads around the Roman Empire and emerge in Northern Italy, Germany, Britain and France while reconnecting with the traditions of Luke and Thomas. So aware of this historic development were the Protestants, Unitarians and increasingly secularized French Roman Catholics and British that they often vacationed in Florence, Venice and Padua. By the middle of the 19th Century prominent Americans of the English Puritan Protestant tradition whose English ancestors had been major contributors to universities in Cambridge where Florence Nightengale received her education, made Florence their "home away from home". Seeing themselves as an extension of the Age of Enlightment they were increasingly buried in Florence. Names like poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning, artist Hiram Powers, Boston abolitionist and Unitarian preacher ...Theodore Parker...whose references to the Cushing family is recorded in Parker's collections of correspondence.  The Cushings had learned from the British China traders the powers and economic promise of that essential medical and military tool, morphine. The English Cemetery in Florence, the city in which Florence Nightengale was born and for which she was named is full of these American New Englanders including Parker.

The question remains as to whether or not nursing will remain the most trusted profession or become a powerful, but untrusted one. There is a battle raging over the soul of the nursing profession. Because of its pivotal position between patients and the increasingly mercenary methods and practices used to extract from them medicine's spiraling costs, nurses are seen as an exceptionally powerful group in determining the future of medicine.

Napolean Bonapart sensed it long ago. Seeing the importance of reinstating the nation's religious orders after nationalizing the Roman Catholic Church in France and with both Catholic and Protestant nursing expressions providing bedside care of his suffering soldiers while providing a safety net for the nation's poor, he appointed his mother,  Lititia, to oversee France's Office of Charity which included the highly respected and needed nursing community. In short order, they met with Napolean, received their funding while maintaining their prophetic role without rejecting either their religious orientation or their increasingly broadening sense of civil responsibility. Napolean's mom "mothered". Perhaps she was thinking, "What? I'm going to ask these women to carry a child for nine months so that as teenagers they can become your canon fodder on a foreign battlefield? Think again!" Napolean never again met with France's nurses.

With America's medical profession increasingly joined at the hip with the American Military Industrial Complex, a complex that is not above using food or medicine as weapons, the players have changed, but the game is essentially the same. It is no longer Napoleon who longs to keep the nursing corp under his thumb and controlled for the sake of his military and political agenda. It is large pharmaceutical and chemical companies, medical product companies that depend on precious metals and oil for surgical devices and plastic products and whose parent or sister organizations mine gold, diamonds, sulfur for gunpowder, copper for brass shell casing or uranium for nuclear weapons or x-ray or proton therapy machines and who sometimes use the nurses' high level of respectability as a tool as with Nestle's baby formula sales in Third World nations that triggered a world-wide Nestle boycott.

Nursing is the world's most trusted profession because it sees itself as the synthesis between two polar opposites....life and death....both spiritual and material. But nursing has its work cut out for itself.

In 1911 the National Council of Trained Nurses Pageant held the "Pageant and Masque Gala" as a support builder for nurse registration in Britain. In the processional was Hygeia the Greek goddess of health...celebrating medicine's roots in Hippocrates' Greek Republic, followed by a Florence Nightingale banner carried by nurses from 13 nations which had already achieved registration status. The banner read "Mightier Than The Sword". That was surely the hope of Napolean's mother in the 18th Century, but in four years from the gala, in 1914, the world was at war and the nurses enjoyed full employment. And so it goes. Nursing was initiated over time into the world of cold hard truth. Changing that world is not easy, but they had a better chance of influencing change by using their collective voice rather than by going it alone. The high level of trust which the world gives to nurses has been earned over centuries. As with any reputation, a good one can be lost in an instant. What direction will nursing's future take? It's entirely up to them to decide.

Michael Savage Drools Over 20' High Walls

Renaissance Man Is Platypus


by Winsip Custer CPW News Service


"Do they still have those neighborhoods in Portugal with homes with those twenty foot walls?" asked San Francisco conservative talk show host Michael Savage.  "I remember that there are people there from when Portugal was a great world power and these moneyed people have lived off their fortunes for over two or three hundred years.  Are those neighborhoods still there?  Did you see them?  I remember them." Savage said to his caller who had recently returned from Portugal.  "I wasn't in that part of Lisbon," said the caller.  "Well, we're not even allowed to have a twenty foot wall in the U.S.....maybe a six foot wall that someone can jump over," said Savage.

"That was a real conversation," Savage bubbled after the caller hung up.  "I am a Renaissance man in many ways, and the art of conversation is all but lost," he concluded.

I asked Professor Cele Mayantocis of the New Jersey Institute of Subliminal Imaging to analyze Mr. Savages political persuasions based on the comments.  

"My family heritage is Peruvian and Brazilian which means that my family was significantly influenced by the Portuguese.  Let's take this exchange apart bit by bit.  First, everyone has to come from somewhere.  Mr. Savage is Jewish.  There are just as many Jewish members of society who are troubled by living behind twenty foot high walls as living without them.  Some of the Warsaw Ghetto folks come to mind.  Also, anyone who knows Portuguese history knows that they made much of their fortunes from slavery.  Those high walls in Portugal were built to prevent acts of terrorism which the government could not bureaucratically eliminate from the power elites neighborhoods."

I asked Mayantocis to reflect on Savages' combination of "Renaissance man" with his conservative radio personae.  "It's a front," said Mayantocis, "but for what purpose?  One must remember that when the Portuguese and Spanish Empires were threatened they resorted to techniques much worse than water boarding to eliminate the opposition.  With the support of the official religion, Christianity, the Roman Catholic Church depended on the brutality of the Portuguese and Spanish to eliminate ideological threats to their power base.  This is particularly seen in places like India where the Eastern Christian Tradition leans more heavily on Luke, the evangelist and physician, a friend of the Apostle Paul and Saint Thomas.  Thomas, perhaps Lukes' closest friend after Paul was more fully embraced in the Eastern Christian's particular brand of Christianity, than with the Roman Christians who looked to Peter and Paul as their patron saints.  Peter and Paul battled over power and position.  You remember the Jerusalem conclave and the eventual debate over who had the keys to the kingdom.  Luke and Thomas seem more concerned with service to others in Christ's name than to positional jockeying.  So when the Renaissance was triggered by the phenomenal work of Copernicus, Galileo and others in Northern Italy, backed as they were by the de Medici's, the church of Rome, Portugal and Spain fought back," said Mayantocis.


"The Jesuit-led persecution of both Eastern Christians, Hindus and other groups in India is little discussed in the West, but the Easterner's legacy of attachment to Luke and Thomas puts them more within the framework of 'Renaissance men' than anything that came out of the Inquisition dungeons of Portugal or Spain including the brutality against Savage's own Jewish community.  Science questions.  Luke was the scientist and Thomas questioned. If you need proof of this connection ask 'where are the remains of Saint Luke buried?' At Padua, where science exploded in the 1400's and where the world's first woman received her doctoral degree and where the Portugese backed Roman Church focused its attack on learning with maniacal oppression.  What can I say?  Mr. Savage is more like a platypus than like a 'Renaissance man', because he takes dissimilar and unconnected ideas that have no business being together and tries to harmonize them around anxiety and fear for the sake of selling gold, non-hybridized crop seeds and survival gear on his radio show.  Next he'll be selling construction of twenty foot privacy fencing.  One must ask why the world's most oppressive and secretive assembly of power elites, the Trilateral Commission, still meets in Lisbon, behind a twenty foot wall of secrecy," said Dr. Myantocis.

Fort Campbell: General Patraeus' Old Kentucky Home

Honors Fall On Navy Seals At Army's Fort Campbell

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

If General David Patraeus were headed to Fort Campbell Kentucky for today's Presidential ceremony he would surely feel mixed blessings. It is there that the historic Screaming Eagles which provided the frontal assault on Normandy during World War II and air support for the Navy Seals that killed Osama bin Laden are based, but it was also there that General Patraeus suffered a rare bout of friendly fire that almost took his life.

President Barack Obama receiving a Screaming Eagle
t-shirt from General David Patraeus in
Afghanistan

During a "live round" exercise on September 21, 1991 a soldier dove, fell or tripped with his finger on the trigger of his M-16 rifle. The safety was off. The rifle discharged through Patraeus' lung. He was taken to the medical center at Nashville, Tennessee where Dr. Thomas Frist, owner of HCA and then HCA-Columbia Hospitals, performed surgery to close the wound. It was a traumatic event that the General was lucky to have survived. From there, Dr. Frist went on to join current Governor of Florida, Richard Scott and GWB's partner in the Texas baseball franchise, Fort Worth billionaire, Richard Rainwater, in developing HCA-Columbia Health care before turning his sight on the Tennessee Senate seat. Columbia-HCA received the largest Medicare-Medicaid fraud fine in U.S. history at $1.7 billion while Frist's colleague, Richard Scott,  was paid nearly $400 million for his part in leading the discredited healthcare company into bankruptcy before becoming the Florida Governor.

Patraeus did not forget his allegiance to Fort Campbell, Kentucky and the 101 Airborne, the Screaming Eagles. When President Obama visited Afghanistan, Patraeus presented him with a t-shirt of the famed army outfit. Today, President Obama visits their home, Fort Campbell, to present medals to the Navy Seal team that captured and killed Osama bin Laden. It is not known whether or not General Patraeus will be present for the ceremony, but if he is there, he will surely be glad that it's not for a live-ammunition training event.

Meanwhile, the 101 Airborne and the U.S. military is seeing the loss of a tail rotor on it new high-tech stealth helicopter as a political god-send. Those who would have argued that a low-tech army, as in the Seal team that captured Bin Laden, demonstrates the military of the future are held at bay by the place that the stealth technology had in the surprise attack on Bin Laden's Abbottabad hide-away.  Military funding is, therefore, secure for the foreseeable future.

Patraeus received close scrutiny following the death of West Point's leading ethicist, Col Theodore Westhusing.  Westhusing was assigned the task of training Iraqi security forces, but died four hours after confronting General Patraeus about troubling abuses Westhusing witnessed in Iraq.  Ruled a suicide by a military investigation, his family is reported to believe that a suicide note found by his body was actually a page taken from his personal journal chronicling his findings and concerns. Patraeus continues to be challenged by some for his robot-like leadership of American military forces in Iraq and then Afghanistan after the relieving of General Stanley McChrystal, a detour through Iraq which put thousands of soldiers in harm's way when the object of the 911 response should have been, as was proven in Abbottabad, Northern Afghanistan and Pakistan.  The full account of Westhusing's tragedy is recorded in Christian T. Miller's book Blood Money.

Testimony of Luis Montalvan on Capital Hill...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNuo1_cNgH4.

Akbar Ahmed, Islamic Funeral Expert, Resurrects Hope for Southern Cotton Growers

Muslims Use More Cotton Than Christians and Jews

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

News that 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden was swiftly buried at sea and in "conformance with Islamic precepts and practices" left some scholars confused and many Americans skeptical.  On the other hand, Southern cotton farmers saw a marvelous new possibility for boosting cotton production and sales.
     When learning of Bin Laden's burial at sea aboard the USS Carl Vinson one Muslim funeral expert made a stunning observation that caught the attention of Southern cotton farmers. "That made me curious, because there is no such tradition that requires a man who dies on land to be taken out and buried to the sea," Akbar Ahmed, chairman of Islamic Studies at American University, said to CNN. According to White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, who read from a narrative prepared by the Department of Defense, bin Laden's body was washed and otherwise prepared in accordance with Islamic custom. While bathing of the body is normally done with water that may be scented and is usually performed, three, five, seven or another odd number of times. Muslims may not be embalmed and must be free of foreign impurities.  The body covering or shroud, not unlike the Shroud of Turin which reportedly captured the face of Jesus at his crucifixion, but which has been disproved.  is usually white cotton cloth – five pieces of cloth – and is used for decency and modesty.
      It was this use of cotton cloth that has U.S. Southern cotton farmers seeing dollar signs. "American men and women are often buried in cotton and polyester blends which markedly reduced our cotton sales for the funeral event. Most men's burial suits are wool blends and most women's dresses are cotton and silk blends. The simple cotton burial cloth is about the length of a human body, but requires five such clothes in the Muslim practice and this has the potential to significantly impact our cotton cloth sales. This is especially true if we could get the soon-to-be-dying Baby Boomers to convert to Islam," said Crumbley Bulwilveson of the Southern Cotton Planters Association in Mobile, Alabama.
     Bulwilveson said that he was advising his association's members to consider the economic impact of their faith decisions in light of this formerly unnoticed and little appreciated funeral practice.  "I'd dump stock in formaldehyde companies, buy stock in perfume companies and keep your crops in cotton before considering corn, soybeans or other crops," he concluded.
     Son of a fifth generation Alabama cotton farmer, Rev. Bobby Joe Smithers of the Freewill Baptist Church of Mobile said that he is considering requiring of his congregation's members to use twelve burial clothes, one for each of Jesus' disciples, while Rabbi Joshua Cohen of the Greater Mobile Mt. Sinai Synagogue said that he was requiring his members to use ten cotton burial shrouds....one for each of the Ten Commandments.  Pastor Wilbur T. Uhlenhockmeyer of Huntsville's Bible Believer's Fellowship has written his "Pastoral Letter To The True Believers" in his May 4th newsletter the BBF Messenger which reads… "God has counseled me to instruct all of our true believers that no funerals will be conducted by me or any associate pastor of our five thousand member congregation unless the deceased are buried in the blessed BBF Shroud of Faithfulness which includes 39 cotton burial clothes, one for each book of the New Testament.  Praise God!"

Haley Barbour Quits

Southern Comfort Comes To Southland

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Breathing a deep sigh of relief, Republicans, Democrats, Indendents and non-political inter-gallactic aliens are breathing a sigh of relief as Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour announces on April 26th that he is quitting the Presidential race he had hardly begun.

While his announcement was short and to the point, sources behind the scene say that Barbour's decision was difficult, but based on a poll conducted by the political consultant group of Hinger and Therest of Atlanta, Georgia.

"It was obvious that issues were going to come up in the campaign that any candidate, however qualified, would find insurmountable," said Lorraine Therest.  "It was not easy for Haley to make the decision, but we held up the mirror to his candidacy and in the end the only decision was obvious."

Graphic Analysis by Hinger & Therist, Atlanta, GA.

American Indians Say Choice of Geronimo As Code Name For Bin Laden Is Racial Slur

by George "Bugsy" Scabees for CPW News Service

Vancouver Indians have joined Geronimo's Chiricahua Apache tribe of the America's Southwest in condemning the choice of  "Geronimo" as the code name for the capture of Osama Bin Laden.  "We are sick and tired of being labeled by one ancestor's exploits in trying to protect his people from the invasion of the Anglo-Americans into their historic tribal lands.  Just because the Apaches didn't come up with something called "rule of law" and the piece meal selling of surveyed lands is no reason to continually label us as terrorists through these banal inferences," said Little Johnny Falcon Talon of the Nuu-Chah-Nulth Indians of Vancouver.  "Why couldn't the leadership at the CIA and Pentagon have named the operation 'Atilla'?" asked the Vancouver native whose recent notoriety included the exposure of a pedophile ring of prominent Vancouver citizens.  "Atilla was more of a world-wide terroristic threat to the Roman Empire than Geronimo ever was to the American Empire," said Falcon Talon.  "Atilla sacked the capital of the Roman Empire as Bin Laden did New York.  Geronimo was happy living in the barren Southwest eating snakes and lizzards. In as much as the U.S. was seen as an imperialistic power to the dark skinned peoples of the Middle East, painting Bin Laden with the brush of "Geronimo" sends the impression that our CIA is infected with Anglophilia, not unlike the mental disorder that was recently pointed out in the Rock singer Rod Stewart's case...especially since the skull of Geronimo has not been returned to Fort Sill, Oklahoma where it was allegedly taken by Prescott Bush for the Yale Skull & Bones Society that is so closely linked to the CIA."

Ancestors of Lt. Charles B. Gatewood who was assigned by the U.S. Army the task of tracking down Geronimo before the native American was subjected to the Trail of Tears before incarceration at Fort Sill, appears to agree with Johnny Falcon Talons' concerns.  "Why didn't they call it 'Operation Hirohito' or 'Mussolini' or 'Hitler'?" asked John L. Gatewood of Phoenix, Arizona.  "It's high time we moved on and recognize the positive contribution of the American Indians instead of dredging up the painful past.  I am going to help the American Indians construct the National Cathedral for the Great Spirit in Washington D.C. where prominent American Indians of all tribes will be buried just like the Anglos do at Westminster Cathedral in Great Britain," said Gatewood who added, "Obama should have seen this coming, which leads me to think that he's being handled by someone other than his own chosen advisors.  And we'll start with removing Geronimo's headless body currently at Fort Sill.  On second thought we might look for a nice track of land across the street from Yale University and put the Cathedral there," said Gatewood who is 1/8th American Indian.

To show your appreciation of native American Indians support the work of Vancouver's Johnny Falcon Talon Foundation or The Phoenix Indian Center.....
For a message of appreciation from star of Geronimo, American actor Wes Studi, see....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqRfZvkvIp4&feature=related

For the video clip of the Benefit "Give Back Geronimo's Skull You Chain of Fools" see
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCWMyjb2eK4