Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Monday, May 2, 2011


Celebration Of U.S.S. Carl Vinson Crew Fits Occasion

by Winsip Custer

Fearing that rogue nations sympathetic to Osama Bin Laden or Al Qaeda operatives would send scuba divers to the area where the sea burial of Bin Laden was conducted, crewmen on board the U.S.S. Carl Vinson, a Nimitz Class carrier, took extra precautions.

"I shredded the body in a wood chipper and sprayed him into the sea," said 1st Mate, Baily Beyerson of Saginaw, Michigan.

"We normally weighted-down a shrouded body so that it will sink to the sea bottom, but in this case we felt that was not appropriate," said Lt. Commander Flip Ferguson.  "My boys said that it was better than any Irish wake they had ever attended and their chanting drowned out the humming of the 15 hp Briggs and Stratton engine of the tree shredder," said Ferguson.
Wood chipper like the one used at Bin Laden funeral

"His admirers often called Osama Bin Laden The Lion Shiek or The Director.  We call him Chummy," said Ferguson.

Ship's chaplain, Rev. David Stone, said "It was hard leading a funeral service for Mr. Bin Laden.  Nothing in my training prepared me for this occasion and I would have preferred that Mr. Beyerson had waited until I had completed my closing prayer before starting the wood chipper."

The wood chipper was signed by the 3,500 sailors onboard and is headed to the Smithsonian in Washington D.C. for memorialization under the name "Chummy's Lionizer"

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