Syrian Electronic Army Revisits Ground Zero

Chemical Weapons Too Indiscriminate For Effective Killing

By Winsip Custer CPW NEWS SERVICE

NY Times offices (Circle A).  Ground Zero
(bottom circle).

     While the NY Times struggled to get its website back on line following what it said was a Tuesday attack by supporters of embattled Syrian President Assad and calling themselves the Syrian Electronic Army, Secretary of Defense , Chuck Hagel, assured the American press that U.S. missile strikes are imminent.

     Within 24 hours of the attack on the NY Times  servers, the Times reported that the most recent hacking was more sophisticated than any previous security breaches.
     “It makes me wonder about the timing,” said “Manny” Miles Toogoh of the Center for the Study of Random Coincidences in Butte, Montana.

     “Most humans do not like using chemicals to poison people when those chemical cause immediate foaming of the mouth, rolling eyes, violently shaking limbs and weird contortions,” said  Toogoh.  “On the other hand, as has been proven with Agent Orange or even the Lucky Strike cigarettes that were stuffed into G.I.’s ration packs during World War II, or the use of asbestos for all manner of residential and industrial applications which the Europeans had ceased using in the 1920's based on known health risks, just as lead-based paint was used in the U.S. for 50 years after its known health risks were made public in Europe, we somehow see chemicals as non-threatening.  Of course, slow poisoning is less objectionable when coupled with profitability...as with Halliburton's fracking concoctions and protocols and  the exemption of fracking from EPA ground water contamination rules.  The chemical reaction at the bottom of brass cartridges is preferable to all others in that it provides less collateral damage and has proven to be the most dependable source of steady cash flow for mining companies, civil engineers, metals and munitions workers and transportation providers.  Chemical weapons are too diffuse to be a dependable revenue stream,” said Toogoh.   "Gaseous substances are always cheaper than liquids or solids," he maintained.

     Toogoh believes that the now illegal use of lead in gasoline for smoother engine ignition that caused millions of deaths from lead poisoning was a good example of what he calls "reasonable levels of SPS or "slow poisoning systems".  "When you need to slow down population growth on a planet, in a small country,  or even a nearby ethnic neighborhood....an area that cannot sustain runaway procreation especially of people with a different value system than yours, these methods of control are seen by many as excellent alternatives if they do not act as quickly or indescrimiately as Mustard Gas, Sarin or other leading neurological toxins," said Toogoh. 

     "When dying is calibrated in a way that balances human disgust and revulsion with the appearance of a natural progression of normal life cycles, population management and control is not a distasteful chore," said Toogoh who noted that this was the glitch in Adolf Hitler's planned "final solution".  "You never want to call this a 'final solution', because the essential culling will of necessity need to continue for as long as the planet exists," said Toogoh who believes that the use of Nitrous Oxide will even cause the government's clean up staff to find their work much more enjoyable.  "The residual Nitrous Oxide in the immediate area of transport and clean-up will create a type of 'circle of hilarity' that will make workers want to come to work early and stay late."

     Toogoh believes that the most humane method of gassing people would be to put them all in an enclosed, air tight, structure and pumping in 100% nitrous oxide or “laughing gas.”   Toogoh said that “this is the most painless method of sending people over the cliff separating the dead from the living and for that reason Toogoh said  "I have started the Foundation for NO Gassing….which is, ironically, not 'No' gassing, but Nitrous Oxide gassing.  People have to have oxygen to live and whether it’s helium or nitrogen, or nitrous oxide, without oxygen you die,” said Toogoh.  “But the Nitrous Oxide gives you a euphoric joyous departure instead of a torturous one.”
     Toogoh envisions that a dictator like Assad, or some future international cartel of power elites wishing to radically drop the world’s population so that their offspring could have a more promising future and fewer competing demands for resources, could threaten a Sarin gas attack.   Then give people a simple alternative....to agree to take a shower together at, for example, the Syrian National Bath House in Damascus, or risk a real Sarin attack.  “This would give the people fair warning that they can leave the country as political refugees, face a suffocating and devilish demise, or avoid the stresses of displacement with a joyous, fun-filled communal naked romp with their closest friends and fellow compatriots.”
      Dr. Dow Farben Searle, an independent chemist from the Munich Institute for Humane Chemistry said “some weapons makers are giving chemistry a very bad name.  I believe that the Foundation for NO Gassing is onto a very important new methodology that will alleviate the fears and anxiety associated with induced population management.
    Dr. Searle has reportedly invested in Boomers Bye-Bye Inc,  a Nitrous Oxide manufacturing company that hopes to profit from the arrival of the Baby Boom generation to the ranks of the elderly and infirmed.