Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Elysium Space Funeral for $1990.00 Has Critics

Mother Earth Funerals Says Idea Is “Spaced Out”

  By Col. E.M. Bolmer for CPW News Services   
   The San Francisco Company, Elysium, which provided an initial press release for its new space funerals on the weekend after Matt Damon's new film of the same name, Elysium, was released, promises to deliver your loved one’s ashes to outer space for just under $2000.00. 
    Whole cadavers were too heavy for the flights at that price.  “John always wanted to be carried into space for a space funeral, but not as ashes.  He said that he’d just as soon not go if his corpse could not enjoy the full effects of reentry,” said John Carver's widow, Windy, from Roswell, New Mexico.
     Meanwhile, Reginald Gore, of Mother Earth Funerals of Kansas City, Kansas, says “this is a sheer waste of time, fuel, and Mother Earth’s natural resources.  Our bodies are supposed to be the next eon’s carbon fuel.  Isn’t it enough that we embalm bodies with toxic fluids, drop them into concrete bunkers for rarely less that $10,000 and  still deprive Mother Earth of her resources?  Her resources!  Not ours!” said Gore.  Gore maintains that the carbon foot print on the cremations and carrying the ashes to geosynchronous  orbit is equal to 500 semi tractor trailer trucks stalled in the L.A. rush hour traffic for two weeks, eighteen hours, thirty seven minutes and eight seconds.

     Mother Earth Funerals provides an all natural recovery of Mother Earth’s “nutrients” at it’s Central Kansas underground 'natural nutrients reservoir' for $229.93,” said Gore who said that UPS will deliver, for a very reasonable charge, their loved one's body in MEF's cryonic containers.   "Their loved one's body receives  an all natural internment-injection deep into Mother Earth 's subterranean storage dome formations," said Gore.  

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