Al Gore To Donate Wing To Museum

The Gore Global Warming Wing of the Houston Museum of Natural Science

Farron C. Jung PhD for CPW News Services

SPLIT PERSONALITY

    In an effort to bring the Global Warming debate to the front lines of America’s war on fossil fuel dependency, former Vice President Al Gore whose fortunes were significantly enhanced by the sale of his television network, Current TV,  to Al Jazeera, is offering to build a $5.75 million “Global Warming Wing” next to the Ernie Cockerell  wing of the popular Houston Museum of Natural Science.  Mr. Gore’s net worth is currently estimated at $300 million.

    “I am so glad that now the school children of our city, state and nation will be able to see side by side not only an exhibit of the dinosaurs that inhabited our world and to which we owe a great debt of gratitude for  the fossil fuels on which we now thrive, but also an exhibit of what the earth will soon look like if we continue to use decomposed carbon-based life forms to power our planet,” said Freda Lynn Ruckers the mother of nine year old Julie Ruckers a Houston elementary school student.

   DICING THE DEAD ZONE

     Dr. Sanjeed Dawadawano of the Clean Oceans Institute of Paradip, India believes that an additional wing should also be added to the museum’s exhibit.  “I would call it ‘Dicing the Dead Zone’, said  Dr. Dawadawano. 

   Dawadawano believes that the industrialized nations need to commit a portion of their coastal marshes and wetlands to the production of algae for renewable replacement of the current oil requirements.  If the world will do this, or so Dawadawano believes, the transition to solar, winds, geothermal and other non-carbon based fuel sources will be significantly improved. 

Dr. Sanjeed Dawadawano's projection of a "Dead Zone" (l) for the
production of a bio fuel algae basin for the Western Hemisphere.
The current "Dead Zone" (r) was further extended by the BP Deep Water Horizon oil spill and
the spraying of Corexit the toxic dispersant that certain algaes seem to relish. The damming of
the Gulf of Mexico between Yucatan and Cuba and Cuba and Key West would release traditional
oil companies to continue deep water drilling without fear of environmental disaster anywhere within
the 5000 mile coastline.

     “The Baltic is already a big dead zone and would do nicely for that region.  I am looking at the  prospect of building a dam, the world’s largest dam, from the Yucatan Peninsula to Key West, Florida that transverses the island of Cuba.  This would be a great advancement for the Cubans who could work much as the Panamanians do in hosting the Panama Canal.  Locks will also be needed to regulate shipping without releasing the algae and other substances.  The resort owners along the Yucatan Mexican Riviera will not mind so long as the dam is north of Cozumel and leakage is contained to reasonable levels. 
     Dr. Dawadawano explained the phenominal advancements in using marine algae versus fresh water algae as a petrol source that vastly improves economies of scale in bio fuel production, but may also place the world's oceans in danger if the designation of bio fuel algae growing regions is not made swiftly and definitively.  "With the BP spill, Katrina and the recent popularity of the television series Swamp People, there will be less resistance to the conversion of the Gulf of Mexico with the citizen's longstanding cohabitation with the petrochemical culture," said Dwawadawano.  "They think of Corexit as a type of seafood marinate."

  On one side of the dam is excellent algae production and on the other is fine fishing.  It’s a win-win for Cuba which could be brought into the capitalist fold by joint venturing with major hotel corporations that will build fine resorts along the new barrier dam,” said Dr. Dawadawano who also noted that the Mediterranean would make a fine algae production facility with its nearly 1 million square miles of surface area, though Monte Carlo and home owners along the French Riviera are said to be somewhat resistant.  With about 400 thousand square miles larger than the Gulf of Mexico, Dawadawano says "this strategy could make the European Union energy independent well into the future and the competition could drop fuel costs to pennies per gallon, thus helping to fulfill Henry Ford's long held dream of helping the average person to tour in one of his automobiles," said Dawadawano who expressed a strong desire to serve on the board of directors of the Ford Foundation.

 

     “Each year the heartland of the United States dumps billions of tons of nitrates into the Mississippi River creating an enormous dead zone around New Orleans.  The expansion of this dead zone, diced up among the current owners of the major refineries along the Gulf Coast and Mississippi will provide a marvelous marriage between the old petro-chemical companies and the new algae based firms, and who better to do it?” asked Dr. Dawadawano.  “Many think that Exxon and Mobil, BP and Shell, Citgo and Conoco-Phillips are already akin to algae.  This will make the analogy complete, but with a decidedly different result when it is discovered just how energy independent the world would become with the new bio fuel production facilities.  Foreign algae production like that in the Baltic could give these free marketeers substantial competition and insure that they not be tempted to stray from their core value....for example, through price-fixing and other monopolistic practices,” said Dr. Dawadawano a long-standing admirer of free market economist Dr. Milton Friedman.  "If, that is, Exxon and the other big boys don't buy up all the ponds.  If that happens we're all back in the same old five dollar a gallon fuel line," said the vocal algae expert.  "By then I plan to have patented a backyard algae pool that will produce eighteen months of auto, airplane or jet fuel each year and double as a swimming pool in the summer months making algae bio fuel for twenty cents a gallon.  My algae production lab kit will sell for $1890 not counting the swimming pool and the 5,000 gallon fiberglass storage tank," said Dawadawano.

    Representatives of the Ultimate Fighting Championships have indicated that they would also like to add a museum wing between the Gore and Cockerell  wings of the museum where representatives of the global warming side and the fossil fuel advocates can argue as freely as they desire including, but not limited to scientists who wish to employ any mixed martial arts skills to seal their arguments.  Mrs. Ruckers said "I do not believe that beyond teaching the Socratic method of inquiry and debate, which the Gore and Cockerell wings would do, more is necessary.   Adding a caged octagon which might be a distraction or instill unwanted anti-social behaviors in school children is not helpful," she said.   
     Movie director, Quentin Tarrantino, however said that he would like for members of the Gore family to take on the Koch brothers and that the museum could sell tickets to the event with everyone in attendance receiving a free DVD of Django Unchained and a discount coupon for the Koch Media distributed boxed set of Tarrantino's favorite spaghetti westerns titled Western Unchained.

      Meanwhile, Kevin Costner, whose $50 million deal with British Petroleum following the Deep Water Horizon mishap, sees his centrifugal pumps as becoming the primary algae extraction device for this new industry and has promised to share the profits from his new venture with American Indian, Wes Studi, and others from the cast of Dances With Wolves. "Calibrated not to spin the nutrients out of the algae, but to delicately extract it form the salt water and Mr. Costner's pump could work marvelously well," said Dr. Dawadawano who is also considering using one of the Costner pumps for personal use...."or a as a commercial grapefruit juicer for my father's small chain of grocery stores".
       There is no word yet on whether or not Costner will add a wing  to this or any other natural science museum, though the prototype of his pump is being offered to the Smithsonian Institute.

  "I like Mr. Costner's pump system," said Dr. Dawadawano,  "and may incorporate his design into my patented backyard algae pool bio fuel production system for those who want increased fuel production."