Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Chastity Ball Draws Attention To Happy Virgins

Chaste But Pregnant Virgin Mary Would Have Been Excluded

 Mona Lisa Morales CPW News Services

     Daughters dressed in the white gown that they may or may not wear to their wedding are dancing with middle-aged men.  It’s not what you think.  Their date is their Dad.  “We promise our fathers that we will remain a virgin until our wedding night,” said one daughter as her father placed a tiara on her head.
     “She’s my little princess,” he said.
     Not only do the daughters, members of DTDDI, Daughters That Don't Do It, pledge to remain pure, but their fathers’ have pledged to help them.

     “My Suzie knows that there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to help her fulfill her wish and dream.  I may not kill the guy, but I’d likely maim him.  As a professional welder I was ready to build a chastity belt that’s safer than Fort Knox and did,” said Rufus T. Boggins of Culver City.  “Suzie’s mother wore it for a couple of months and said it chaffed her so bad that she thought Suzie needed something else.  Plus it bothered her so much that she scratched and dented it something awful.  I finally settled on Kevlar panties," said Boggins whose daughter said she was sitting out all dances but the slow ones.
     Reverend Farley Unwyder of the Fourth First Covenant Lutheran Church in Golden said “some people think that this is a throwback to some primitive time, but I can assure you that this is totally within the realm of wise living and Christian principles.  Would you ride a bicycle without a chain guard?  What parent doesn’t put socket covers over electric plugs or childproof lids on medicine bottles or bowls with a ball without finger holes? The only bottle that doesn’t have a childproof lid at my house is the birth control pill bottle."       
     Unwyder, not sure why he used the bowling ball analogy, the father of seven daughters said “no sense being  a fool about it.  The Virgin Mary would have been excluded from this club as far as I can tell,” said Reverend Unwyder.
     Meanwhile, across town the group Sons for Sexless Dating have pledged to make it to the altar without experiencing intercourse.  Carl Wilkins’ father is co-owner with Rufus Boggins at Boggins and Wilkins Metal Works.  “I rigged up the neatest device I call the “Wilkins’ CodPipe,” said Carl Wilkins, Sr..   The Wilkins' CodPipe he asserts "works great, but I still can't figure out how Carl, Jr. got it so scratched and bent." 

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