Five Continental Self-Burial Wells Proposed to Eliminated Formaldehyde, Methanol and Ethanol Pollution While Replenishing the Earth’s Blood
by Seigfried Meinwuhl for CPW News Services
Oil is being pulled out earth at an astounding rate. Concerned that the earth’s blood is not being replenished a group of conservationists called The Continental Self Burial Corp is proposing five fifteen thousand foot wells centrally located on each continent for the burial of non-embalmed human remains. “We provide free funerals for all who would like to contribute their non-embalmed frozen bodies to each continental well.
Bodies are prepared at a central processing plant above each well-head where families are welcome to attend a funeral service of their choice. "Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Islamic and other religious services are provided and the final benediction is followed in each case with the passing of the ear protectors for all celebrants. "I wouldn't really call it a grinding noise," said the project's chief engineer, Webb McCobb, "it's more like a shrill whinning sound you'd hear on a Jack LaLane fruit juicer, only louder, but it only lasts for about two minutes."
Embalming fluid contains a mixture of formaldehyde, methanol and other solvents. Formaldehyde can be up to 30% of the mixture and methanol or ethanol is typically between 10 and 55% of the fluid. There’s 1 gallon of mixture to 50 pounds of body weight. A 200 pound man would have 4 gallons of toxic fluids that his body continues to ooze into the soil for decades if not centuries. Decomposition is far better for the environment. “Every 50 years we cap the well and drill another within a 50 mile radius to insure a future supply of new oil for our ancestors,” said Thurman Frisdale, president of The Continental Self Burial Corp. "Formaldehyde is a major product for Koch Industries," said Frisdale.
While the exact sites for the five wells have not yet been disclosed Frisdale says that they will be located in the center of each content to assist with transportation costs. "We were thinking about Memphis and cutting a deal with Fed Ex which is based there. In the U.S. alone about 5.3 million gallons of embalming fluid is used every year," said Frisdale who said that Valvoline had offered special prices on their NextGeneration recycled motor oil for those wishing to replace the more toxic embalming fluid with an alternative recycled blend for those who cannot ween themselve from the though of embalming. Frisdale noted that bodies will still need to be frozen and shipped at about 1/4 the cost of a typical burial and embalming and half the cost of cremations.
Frisdale also notes that with about 2.5 million deaths each year in the U.S. and average weight of 150 lbs. per deceased that fluids comprising 90 of body weight with water weighing about 8.33 lbs per gallon, that's 375,000,000 pounds of body fluid or 45,018,007.20 gallons per year or 881,509 barrels per year going back into North American Continent's strategic petroleum reserves from dead U.S. citizens alone. Leading funeral companies and their Washington lobbyists oppose the efforts of Frisdale and his organization saying that plastic products alone, not to mention the need for asphalt for roads would require much large qualities of fluid replacement. Frisdale, a Roman Catholic, said that this is why he is not supportive of abortions. "We'll need all the people we can get in order to replenish the earth's blood....oil. With wild animals disappearing and domestic animals fully rendered, people are our only option."
Frisdale's organization was jump started by a $850,000 bequest by Father Ignatius Loyola Capone, a hospice chaplain and part-time stock investor who decried the commercialization of body disposal and of toxic chemical dissemination through body embalming and also the waste of carbon based fuels used to cremate the dead. "We have to put back into the earth what we take out of it. It is a law of nature. The dinosaurs died out and became oil, but now we are the dinosaurs and current burial methods are simply ritualized denial and leave future generations toxic parks that need constant mowing," said Father Capone in his will.