Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Sunday, October 21, 2012

AA Misguided by Brewers and Distillers

Alcoholics Onymous:  Former Drunken Priest “Says Step Out of the Shadows!”

By C.J. O’Rourke for CPW News Services.

     Father Sebastian Patristicus Soleman of the Order of the Onymous Brothers of St. Olaf’s Parish, New Foundland, says that AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, unlike AO or Alcoholics Onymous is misguided.
     “I spent eighteen years hiding the fact that I drank and drank and drank.  Communion wine.  Scotch.  Irish Whiskey.  Miller’s Lite.  It didn’t matter.  So I’d go to AA and be an anonymous drunk. What that did is let the distilleries and breweries off the hook for their bad behavior making me and the other silent nitwits the closeted victims of their lucrative racket,” said Soleman.
     Soleman first noticed his addiction when he was an altar boy who always offered to wash the communion cup, hoping that the parish priest had left a few drops at the bottom.
     “I’d use a straw to get at it if I had to,” he said.
     “When I joined AA and realized that we used the Serenity Prayer which was written not by some anonymous author, but by the great theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, as he wrestled with the need for the U.S. to stand up to the Nazi’s during the 1930’s and that it was commandeered by a friend of the German American Bund, Henry Ford, whose “business plot” against FDR was foiled by Smedley Darlington Butler, I was furious.  Ford wanted it used to give substance to the AA movement, but I was P.O.’ed,” said Soleman.   "That prayer was being used to keep us suckers in the closet sucking the bottle trying to figure out what they could and couldn't change when Niebuhr used it from a different point of view. Not in a closet, but out on the limb where you're already decided to join the rebellion!  The Serenity Prayer was stolen!" 
     "I’m not against alcohol.  Not at all.  I’m just against the brewers and distillers making people with a proclivity to alcohol abuse a victim like Albert Lasker, the father of modern advertising did with nicotine, by sticking it in military service men's rations during World War II and then pumping it with cutie slogans like LSMFT....Lucky Strikes Mean Fine Tobacco....yea, that will rot you're damn lungs out and turn your vocal chords and jowls into black tar,” said Soleman.  “That’s why I created the Onymous  Brothers of St. Olaf’s Parish.  We are AO, Alcoholics Onymous....not Anonymous.... and damn proud of it,” he said.

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