by Winsip Custer CPW News Service
Just as Rick Perry pulls the plug on his presidential bid and throws his support to Newt Gingrich, Newt's former wife reveals Gingrich's inability to negotiate a more flexible marriage arrangement.
"He said 'Callista doesn't care what I do'," Newt's ex-wife told ABC News. In what was an attempt to negotiate with his former wife of 19 years, Newt failed to pull off the renegotiation of the marriage arrangement. Crowley A. Owlster the high priest of the Wide Open Fellowship of Silver Springs, Maryland said "Newt could have benefited from membership in our group. Negotiating with repressed, close-minded and priggish spouses is our specialty and our fellowship is filled with happy, freedom loving members who have discovered the benefits of mutually rewarding dialectical relationships while maintaining the projection of conservative personae."
When asked if Marianne Gingrich's interview will hurt Gingrich's candidacy, Owlster noted that David Bruce Vitters, the Louisiana politician caught in a prostitution scandal was reelected in the last election in a conservative region. "The hookers in Louisiana are very conservative religiously speaking," said Owlster. "Just ask Jimmy Swaggart. I'd tell you to ask the Chaplain of Bourbon Street, but he's in that big Bourbon Street in the sky," asserted Owlster.
Meanwhile, Mormon sources close to Mitt Romney said, "Good grief, this is basic for us Mormans. If Newt cannot negotiate this with a woman, what chance does he have of selling a peace treaty between the Palestinians and Jews or North and South Koreans? The Saudi Royal princes will lose all respect for him from the get go."
"Crap," said Perry, "I screwed up again. If I had just waited a few days my lapse in memory will look like a little pimple on Haley Barbour's big butt. As it is I now look like that damn Italian ship's captain who left the vessel while it was sinking or that guy who took off just before the Battle of the Alamo."
As events unraveled in South Carolina reporters were flooding the Cayman Islands to learn more about the offshore accounts that provide Mitt Romney with his tax shelters and an effective tax rate of 15%.
It is reported that Marianne Gingrich is concerned about Callista Gingrich's vindictiveness and proclivity to bite back.
Anita Perry, the longest standing First Lady in Texas history and Rick's wife is the daughter of a Haskell, Texas physician. A graduate of Texas Tech University and the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio, Anita Perry also practiced nursing for 17 years. "Being a nurse, Anita keeps me in stitches," said Perry. "If I ever pulled a stunt like the one that the lizard, Newt, pulled she'd castrate me," said Perry who concluded "and that's one point I'll never forget!"