Saturday, April 30, 2011
Royal Wedding Crashed By Mystery Woman
Mystery Woman Finds Front Row Seat at
by Winsip Custer CPW News Service
Trying to get into the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton without an invitation would be like gaining entrance to Fort Knox at midnight. "This has us all scratching our heads," said Winston Brown Remington IV, head of security at Westminster Cathedral. "This is probably going to cost me my job which my father, his father, his father and his father before that filled without incident."
Mr. Remington's wife said "This is horrible. What am I going to tell our children? Winston Brown Remington V was so hoping to be head of security at the historic church where the tombs of Charles Darwin, William Wilberforce, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Robert Browning, David Livingston, Rudyard Kipling, Sir Issac Newton and Oliver Cromwell, among the most notable, are buried.
"As it turned out it was Margaret Stuart O'Flannery Cromwell Wallace," said Mrs. Remington. "She is a descendant of Oliver Cromwell and William Wallace and she has been trying to crash important royal events for several years. I don't think that the entire fiasco should rest on my poor husband's shoulders. If MI-5 and MI-6 can't keep this woman at bay why would they expect a church security guard to be able to do so?" asked Mrs. Remington who said that she was in the market for a new flat for her family of five, but was hopeful of keeping her job as Assistant to the Ministry of Bronze, Brass and Marble Polishing at the historic cathedral.