Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Eye-Opening Perspectives for Heroic Hearts

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Men Counting Their Separation Blessings

Therapist Says Separation Has Silver Lining for Angry Males
by Winsip Custer CPW News Service
When two people call it quits, it is often the result of a wife's determination that she is no longer invested in the marriage and that she is not willing to work as hard at it as she has been in the past. This has been particularly true with the advent of the women's movement, the changing role of women in the workplace and the exportation of jobs to Third World countries where women will work for even less than their male counterparts in their own nation much less than men in the First World.

Wilson T. Robshaw of the Men's Forum for Male Fortitude or MFMF has encouraged men who find themselves being dumped in this new women's environment to take heart. "Every cloud has a silver lining and even cuckhold burrs have a useful purpose if you can keep them out of your crotch," said Robshaw a PhD in Definded Redirectioning and Male Fortitude from the University of Saginaw.
"When my wife enrolled in a Ph.D. program in Health Analysis and Medical Systems Research from the University of Carbondale, she spent every night talking on the phone until four in the morning to an online classmate, Ronnie Wipslivers, who was making a transition from fungus analyst to a PhD in Health Systems Planning, Medicare/Medicaid Stealth Billing, Capital Flight Managment and Undisclosed Appropriations Coordination. I thought they were doing their homework together until Mrs. Wipslivers showed up at the door and asked "Where the hell is Ronnie and that needy, husband stealing witch of yours?"
Within hours the lid had blown off the whole gig and Mrs. Wipslivers was calling her lawyer and Robshaw was drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Chivas Regal. "The kids were all grown, so that was one worry that avoided me," said Robshaw. "Over the next six months I wrote my best selling book Counting Your Separation Blessings. It is so simple that every man can do it and avoid the frustration, pain and agony of a protracted grief period. Experts were telling people that divorce is worse than death because the exes' body is still there and that it takes a minimum of two years to get over a divorce. I say 'hog wash.' Give yourself two weeks with my system and you'll never look back," said Robshaw confidently.
Listing is the essential ingrident in Robshaw's system as evidenced by his list created from his own experience of separation and divorce.....
  • I don't have to make regular AND decaf coffee in the morning.
  • I don't have to worry about unexpected demands from out of the blue.
  • She can have the house! No more maintenance headaches!
  • She can have the dogs.  No walking, poop scooping, feeding, grooming and running the risk of catching typhus from their fleas.
  • I don't have to get all hot and bothered about sexual performance.  What sex?
  • I can let the bed go unmade for weeks.  Plus no more heavy comforters to wash and dry and the dozen pillows that have to be placed in an exact pattern.  I can finally get that bear skin rug I've been eyeing.
  • The floor can go unvacummed for days, weeks or months like in college.
  • I can actually use the oven and stove in my new apartment.
  • No expecation of leaving her a pot of money from a huge insurance policy I can't make the payments on. 
  • No incentive to murder me for the insurance money.  When I die I want it to be a sad day for everyone.
  • I don't have to wait for her to fill the gasoline tank, check the engine oil or tires.  She never did it anyway.
  • I can let that dead cockroach sit in the corner till an ant colony moves it.  With no screaming.
  • No more complaints that I'm the reason she's unhappy and that a tummy tuck, breast job or face lift would make her more competitive in the market place while worrying that she'll look like cat woman or worse.....like Joan Rivers.
  • Since she's vegan I can fill my little fridge with t-bones and rib-eyes.
  • I can pee in the kitchen sink and not miss an instant replay on the TV in the living room.

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