by Libby Rey Shunn, CPW News Services
The 50ish something bar keeper had rushed out to the local dollar store to buy a dozen helium filled heart balloons that said "Happy Valentines Day". She slaved over the perfect presentation of her new decorations as the band set up for the night's festivities.
As the night unfolded the balding and pudgy fellow with his wife sitting in the corner got up and danced. The wife walked over to the bar and was offered a dance by a younger man with wavy hair. She accepted. He told her that he was lonely. His girlfriend had run off with a woman and moved to New Mexico or Arizona. One drink led to another and her husband sat dutifully in the corner, just happy that he would be going home with the woman of his dreams. Or would he? He wondered as he watched her leg hike itself up on the man's thigh as they danced to a rendition of Stevie Ray Vaughn's Cold Shot.
He watched as they went back to the bar where she stroked the man's wavy hair. Soon the husband had enough and walked out. She followed pleading with her husband.... "I was telling him about us and how much we love each other."
"What the hell is this?" the husband asked in disbelief. She went back inside. The bar keeper, married four times and currently between husbands and happy for some heavy drinkers to remain belly up to her cash register, came out and said "She's just playing around, you know. There's always someone younger and better looking, but in the end she's going home with you."
"Thanks," said the aged husband looking over his glasses and resisting a smile as it might show his lost bicuspid.
"What," he asked, "is Valentines Day to a woman that has been married four times?"
She didn't answer. "I'll tell you what Johnny Carson said. 'It's a tree for a dog anxious to mark his territory.'"
The next morning the husband rolled over to find his wife in bed next to him. "You came home?" he asked. He had not given her the Valentine's Day gift he had purchased for her. "Did you like your Valentine's Day gift?" he asked her. "What gift?" she said. "Well, you've gotta' admit that it is better than the one you gave me."