Anthony Weiner Vows Reform & Joins Chesterfield Association To Stay Nose Length Ahead of Critics

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service Inc.

     With his political career on the line, Anthony Weiner has made a stunning announcement. "I am joining the Chesterfield Association and will unreservedly throw myself into the rehabilitation of my life and interests. I can't promise that I won't Tweet body parts, but I'll be moving from genitalia to noses in keeping with CA's highest standards," he said from his home in Forest Hills, Queens, New York.

     The Chesterfield Association is named after Lord Chesterfield or Philip Stanhope of England. Building upon his famous quotation "Sex: The pleasure is momentary. The position ridiculous. The cost damnable," the Chesterfield Association has "covenanted together to never send by mail, messenger, winged foul or legged beast, electronic delivery or transfer any likeness of any human body part save the nose."

     Association President, Dr. Roman Boogier Probositis, has written more than a dozen treatises on the power of what he has termed "nose-focus" in helping people like Anthony Weiner break their addiction to viewing other human body parts. "In my well-measured opinion the thought of and concentration upon the human nose in helping to align the sensibilities of the human passions is without equal. Nothing brings into balance the human libido, emotions, and mental wanderings like meditating on the width, breadth, angular manifestations and flare of the human nostril."

Famous noses that are the focus of Chesterfield
Association's solution to Anthony Weiner's
fixation.

     I asked if Dr. Probositis had any information as to the apparent lack of power of this fixation on noses to deflect and assuage Nazi's prurient interests in human sexuality. Behind the facade of human dignity, or at least Aryan human dignity, was a demonstrably abnormal National Socialistic libido. "They did not dedicate the necessary meditative focus and power on the nose as an object of redemption, deliverance and salvation," said Probositis who went on to say that the same deliverance might also be available if one focused attention on an anvil or sack of potatoes, but that the Chesterfield's prefer noses for one very obvious reason.  It sticks out there all the time.

     "Wouldn't it be better to focus one's deliverance on, say, religion, god or some other time honored system of spirituality?" I asked.
     "That would be fine," said Probositis "if you are willing to tithe, give 10% of your income, to whatever that entity is, as in the Christian or Jewish traditions. The nose has no such requirement, and neither would an anvil or sack of potatoes for that matter. Which may be why Congressman Weiner has found the Chesterfield Association so appealing with its annual dues of $50."