Blacks Lack Westminster Style Burial Site
The statement by Fred Smiley Einstein brought a response from Bennie B. Einstein, President of the North American Embalmers and Monument Makers Association. "Fred Smiley Einstein in no way speaks for all Einsteins. Albert was a scientific genius, but a damn poor businessman," said Bennie from his office in East Lansing, Michigan. "Bennie Einstein is working on a patented nuclear fission crematorium which needs no fuel for twenty years, but he plans to quadruple the cost of cremations at the same time and he's working on a do-it-yourself crematorium rental business that looks like one of those big barbecue pits on wheels," said Fred Smiley Einstein in rebuttal. "Albert thought it ludicrous that what was segregated in life should remain so in death. He really believed in 'ashes to ashes'."
"When the 23 year-old Albert Einstein started a study group, the Olympia Academy, with his two younger friends, Maurice Solovine and Conrad Habicht, he asked that the first book to be read was Karl Pearson's The Grammar of Science. This book covered several themes that were later to become part of the theories of Einstein and other scientists, but this early exposure to geneticist Karl Pearson brought with it an understanding of the sad folly that awaits our bodies in death. Karl Pearson was asked to prove or disprove the authentication of Oliver Cromwell's head after it had been exhumed from Cromwell's tomb at Westminster and stuck on a pole by reinstated Royalists before it was passed around by greedy museum owners," said Fred Smiley Einstein. "Bennie Einstein fits into that later category," said Fred who when asked to speak about the proposed National Black Cathedral said "I think it's a sad misdirection of community resources. The future of buildings will be decreasing density structures, anyway. The black community has already impacted our society and culture far more than can be stated by another church building. I sat in church during my daughter's wedding and wondered...."how low can we go?" asked Mr. Einstein while inviting a viewing of daughter's wedding last June.
Say African American Leaders
by Winsip Custer
African American leaders meeting in Washington D.C. on Saturday night began laying the groundwork for the African American National Cathedral or AANC. Motivated by the influence of Britain's Westminster Cathedral and Abbey and the regalia surrounding it's influence on Anglo culture, African American leaders believe that their culture has lacked a central focus. "Some of the most influential Anglos are buried in that great church. Poets, scientists, political and other important leaders entombed there have given the British Empire a tool for promoting its influence on the world. As a culture we haven't done that and need to," said Book T. Washington's descendant, Horace T. Washington.
The AANC Committee which is made up of the descendants of leading African American personalities are working on a new building site and architectural plan, a fund raising strategy and a list of leading African American's whose life-time achievements qualify them for interment at the AANC. "Booker T. Washington is a shoe-in," said Horace T. Washington, "as is civil rights leader Martin Luther King, abolitionist Frederick Douglass, Marion Anderson, Maya Angelou, Barbara Jordan, BB King, Wilt Chamberlain, Sidney Portier, Colin Powell, Bill Cosby, Dr. Condeleeza Rice, Jim Brown, James Brown, Toni Morrison, Vivien Thomas and fifty other leading African American personalities.
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| Tomb of Charles Darwin at Westminster |
Relatives of former Vice-President Dick Cheney and former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld are expected to argue before the AANC Committee that both Cheney and Rumsfeld should be allowed burial there since they can prove a 1/16th part-African American heritage. "There are going to be many who just won't qualifiy for this great honor," said Horace T. Washington which brought a response from Cheney family proponent, James W. Cheney of West Palm Beach, Florida. "If Charles Dawin, a confessed agnostic can be buried at Westminster why can't Dick Cheney be buried at the AANC?"
Charles Darwin, William Wilberforce, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Robert Browning, David Livingston, Rudyard Kipling, Sir Issac Newton and Oliver Cromwell, among the most notable, are buried at Westminster where on Saturday Prince William and Kate Middleton solemnized their wedding vows.
A similar National Cathedral is said to be in the working stages for Latin Americans and is being widely promoted by the families of Desi Arnaz and Jennifer Lopez.
Members of the Albert Einstein family led by Fred Smiley Einstein of Bethesda, Maryland issued a statement on behalf of their famous ancestor when some posited that Albert was also 1/16 African American. "Albert, according to his sincere wishes, was cremated and not one of his ashes were left to any heirs so that he could avoid being interred anywhere. If in future generations some of his ashes surface for interment in any physical locale, it is a hoax and not in any way authorized by the world's smartest genius who wished not to be so remembered and memorialized."
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| Albert Einstein's Last Resting Place |
"When the 23 year-old Albert Einstein started a study group, the Olympia Academy, with his two younger friends, Maurice Solovine and Conrad Habicht, he asked that the first book to be read was Karl Pearson's The Grammar of Science. This book covered several themes that were later to become part of the theories of Einstein and other scientists, but this early exposure to geneticist Karl Pearson brought with it an understanding of the sad folly that awaits our bodies in death. Karl Pearson was asked to prove or disprove the authentication of Oliver Cromwell's head after it had been exhumed from Cromwell's tomb at Westminster and stuck on a pole by reinstated Royalists before it was passed around by greedy museum owners," said Fred Smiley Einstein. "Bennie Einstein fits into that later category," said Fred who when asked to speak about the proposed National Black Cathedral said "I think it's a sad misdirection of community resources. The future of buildings will be decreasing density structures, anyway. The black community has already impacted our society and culture far more than can be stated by another church building. I sat in church during my daughter's wedding and wondered...."how low can we go?" asked Mr. Einstein while inviting a viewing of daughter's wedding last June.
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