Vagisil and Monostat Fighting Over Bill O'Reilly

Vagisil and Monostat See Fortunes

 in Signing Fox News Commentator

10.16.2010 By Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Bill O'Reilly with frequent guest and
conservative author, Ann Coulter

Following an appearance on the women's television program The View which precipated the angry departure of Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg from their own show, Bill O'Reilly's star has never been brighter.  "He stands to make a fortune from new penetration into product markets usually out of limits for conservative middle aged white men in America. Both Vagisil and Monostat see enormous potential in negative ads featuring the commentator," said Bill Wilson of Wilson and Anders Advertising a Madison Avenue firm specializing in knowning what women want.

"There is nothing more agitating to a preponderance of American women than Bill O'Reilly.  He has a zymolitic personality for sure.  Just how the winning company, either Vagisil or Monostat, will use the down side of Mr. O'Reilly personality to sell their product is up in the air, but they obviously have seen the great potential of signing Mr. O'Reilly.  Just how much money Mr. O'Reilly is going to finally receive to be featured in either company's ads is open to speculation and contract negotiations, but at this point I'd say that O'Reilly is really riding high in the saddle....or stirrups," said Wilson.

Glenn Beck's Skull & Bone

Glenn Beck's Freudian Admission

Cummerbund Confessions
Lessons From the 2008 NRA Convention

Television personality Glenn Beck at NRA Convention
wearing skull and bones cummerbund

10.16.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Glenn Beck appeared at the 2008 NRA Convention with his wife.  He wore a tuxedo and skull and bones cummerbund. I asked Dr. Golda McNichols Weiselman Patel, a psychiatrist from New York's Sinai Hospital to help us to understand what this symbol might mean to Mr. Beck.

"It is an odd combination is it not?" asked Patel. "Here you have between a man's belly button, the very place where he was first connected to life and his male member, the projection of his personhood and hope for the future, a symbol of piracy, death and destruction. You would have no trouble when I say that this is an extremely conflicted image at best. At worst it is something much deeper and darker. If George Clooney was wearing it I would say that it's a humorous stab at suggesting that he believes he is a lady killer along the lines of Edward Lear's famous Indian Poem, The Cummerbund."

The poem says...

Beware, ye Fair! Ye Fair, beware!

Nor sit out late at night,--

Lest horrid Cummerbunds should come,

And swallow you outright.

"And of course Glenn knows that compared to George Clooney, or even to Danny Divito, he's not a lady killer. I believe that he wore the cummerbund to send a message to his lovely wife. A message, not so subliminal, that is too painful to talk about."

I asked the good doctor what that message might be saying.

"More than likely he's saying 'Help, I think I have a horribly enlarged prostate.'"

Dr. Patel continued  "I suggest a PSA test and if the results come back high, that he check into Massachusetts General Hospital where he can receive the new proton therapy which was perfected at the Seventh Day Adventist Medical Center at Loma Linda, California and which MIT and Massachusetts General are now developing with venture capital from the Robert Blanton venture capital group in Fort Worth, Texas.  Mr. Beck should not have any trouble affording this procedure which avoids, for the majority of men, the painful choice between incontinence or sexual dysfunction."

I asked Dr. Patel to explain how a cutting edge nuclear medicine that might help Mr. Beck was developed at a church related hospital, but was now being refined by MIT and Mass General with help from venture capitalists in the private sector.  "I suspect that as with many of the cutting edge programs that need tax relief to get going, they are then swallowed up by the capitalists after someone else has taken the initial risks," said Patel.

"Is this a subtle form of socialism mixed with the free market capital venture?" I asked.  "It would seem so, but the tension will come if the technology is not available to the masses when that technology is developed by a church that professes love and compassion for all people," said Dr. Patel,  who went on to say that if the expanded proton therapy helps men to stay sexually and socially active that women like Mrs. Beck will be leading the charge to bring the costs down for everyone.  Especially if she has a new husband," said Dr. Patel who was caught up in a rolling belly laugh while inserting, "who doesn't wear juvenile pirate symbols next to his ding-a-ling."

REACHING THAT HIGH CALLING

CHURCH WINS "BEST OF THE BEST" FOR TEN STRAIGHT YEARS

by Winsip Custer CWP News Service

The San Francisco Christian Assembly Church has received the "Best of the Best" designation by the American Association of Newspapers, Magazines, Periodical and Ad Sheet Distributors for the tenth straight year. 

Measured by an exacting formula that balances on-site services, parking-to-auto ratios, community involvement and visibility, pew seating per-inches-of-average-posterior (this ratio has changed from 18" to 27" in the last ten years), color schemes and interior designs with ratio of 3-to-1 between fall and spring colors, landscaping layout with 50:50 balance between coloration and between annuals and perennials;  balance of music with 3-to-1 eclectic and traditional; carpet textures of prescribed number of fibers per inch as provided in the guidelines; acoustics within proper decibel levels for varying locations within the church facilities; consistency of ambient room temperatures per kilowatts usage; use of technological devices and state-of-the-art audio visuals in accordance with prescribed guidelines; number of baptisms per ethnicity of the baptized; 50:50 balance of evangelical fervor to social responsibility and corresponding 50:50 balance of preaching style to substance.

"While we are proud of our ten year accomplishment," said church pastor, Rev. Peter Paul Foster, IIII, "we are not complacent.  Not at all.  Every day we strive to build upon our stellar record," he said.  This year's runner up was the New Eden Assembly of Tucson Arizona, (N.E.A.T.).  Their pastor, the Reverend Joy Lilly Ferguson said of this year's competition "I hate to say it, but I think that there are unspoken things that finally make the difference between a good worship experience and the "Best of the Best".  For that reason we are replacing the 2.5" pew cushions with the more comfortable 3.5 inches and changing the color from Notre Dame Burgundy to Bimini Blue.  We expect to win next year, hands down," said Reverend Ferguson.  If she is correct she will be the first woman to win the coveted designation in the award's twenty-five year history and the first church to win it outside of the San Francisco area.

Ole Miss and Rebel Black Bear

Ole Miss Changes Mascot from Col. Reb to Rebel Black Bear

Ole Miss' new Black Bear Inspired by
a William Faulkner character

New Lesson's Learned


10.15.2010 By Winsip Custer CPW News Service

The clock is ticking for high schools like Midland, Texas' Lee High School where former First Lady Laura Bush dreamed of marrying a President, actor Tommy Lee Jones dreamed of earning an Oscar and US Army General Tommy Franks dreamed of leading an army in Iraq. Named for Confederate General Robert E. Lee, the school mascot is a painful reminded of the divisive civil war that split the nation. "It's time to make a change," said Sedwick Newhouse, of Pensacola, Florida, president of Teachers and Parents for Responsible Mascots.

"There's going to be hurt feelings no matter what you do," said Newhouse, "but it's not appropriate to continue to hold up images of our brokenness and ask everyone to cheer the contradictions. What message does that give to the students in America's educational system? The Confederacy ended and with it the evils of slavery which anyone who's worked at Walmart will tell you is painful. What a great opportunity to rewrite the school's legacy. Imagine that Colonel Reb could become Colonel Bare, a nutty kind of military figure who's slightly quirky and wears only a hat that's half gray and half blue to symbolize our confused past, his friend can be his Black Bear. Colonel Bare cannot lead the Black Bear on a chain since that would recall images of slavery. But they can ride a bicycle built for two around the stadium after a score," said Newhouse.

Mr. Newhouse went on to say that he feels that schools should look long and hard before deciding on a new more egalitarian symbol for the school's team. In Savannah, Georgia the Nathan Bedford Forrest High School did just that. "The football team took the lead on the decision," said Newhouse. "They wanted something like the Purdue Boilermakers, Green Bay Packers, Pittsburg Steelers or the Hackers of Semi Valley High School in California. Something that symbolized American can-do spirit and citizens who through hard work and effort succeeded in scoring their life goals.

Newhouse explained how five of the team members from the Stonewall Jackson High School Rebels had worked in a Savannah warehouse at the port during their sophomore summer. The warehouse had been used by a specialized group of long shoremen during a fifteen year period beginning in the late 1870's. These longshoremen used large wooden jacks to compress the cotton into the holds of the ships in the years before the creation of the cotton press. Their work allowed for a ten to fifteen percent larger cargo and an increased profit margin for the ships' owners. The name of the union was the Screwmen Workers Union named for the screw jacks that made the additional profit possible. Through the keen insights of these five football players whose hot, sweltering summers were filled with dreams of getting back to school so that they could lead their team to athletic victory the new mascot was unveiled on the day that the school also announced its new name....William Jefferson Clinton High School and the "Charging Screwmen."

Young & Rubicam Denies Allegations

Texas Governor's Race Hairy Proposition


by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Sr. executives from Young and Rubicam deny allegations that they have provided the scripting for the incumbent Governor of Texas, Rick Perry, in his race against challenger, former Houston Mayor, Bill White.

Bill White
Former Houston Mayor
Texas Democratic Gubernatorial
Candidate

"We did not come up with the message "Perry's Still Hairy and White Has Hair Blight", said Rufus P. Singleton of Young and Rubicam. "We prefer to stick to the issues in our political ad designs," said Singleton.

When asked if, therefore, there is no truth to the report that they are preparing for a campaign titled "Bill White Sucks" and "No Billiard Balls In Texas" with Mr. White's head doctored with a bright beam of sunlight reflecting from his bald cranium, Singleton reiterated his denial of such reports.  However, I have seen advanced copies of the man-on-the-steet videos which are to be used in the ads with dozens of people saying simply "Bill White sucks".



Rick Perry
Incumbent Texas Republican
Governor

"We stick to the issues in our advertising designs," said Singleton. We asked if that applied to reports that they had encouraged Sarah Palin's advisers to consider, in the event of her future presidential campaign, the slogan "Make Obammy Cry Mammy".  Again, they denied the reports with even greater fervor given the secondary question that asked whether this looked as racist as the Willie Horton ad which they had crafted for George H W Bush in his Presidential campaign.

Meanwhile, Bill White's camp has come up with a counter-attack using the same solar reflections from the top of Mr. White's head, but with the slogan "See the Light, Vote Bill White."



Waiting For Superman? How About Waiting For Spiderman?

New Movie Documentary Decries Failure of Public Schools, but.....

10.12.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Waiting for Spiderman.  I know. I know.  It's called Waiting For Superman, but I thought that Spiderman would be a better title given the web of intrigue that covers America's education system and the alternatives being offered in its place....Waiting for Superman is hitting the theaters and follows the daily lives of five students trying to maneuver their way through America's public schools to obtain an education.  The film is supported by Microsoft's Bill Gates who found formal education so exciting that he skipped it.

From Bill Gate's blog...

"There’s no question that the quality of our education system helped to make America great. But today, many of our public schools are failing. Only one-third of high school students are prepared for college when they graduate. And half of minority students drop out of high school altogether.  It’s a tragedy that so many families have no real alternative for their children than a failing local public school. We need dramatic change, but it’s a difficult story to tell."

It sure is.  I asked Dr. William Carr a Presbyterian minister living in Corpus Christi, Texas about his experiences with the public school system there.  "The American public school system made the country great, but over time that system has been raped and pillaged," said Carr.  Who has done the raping?  Everyone.  Here's how it works.  The school is not only for production of the next generation of leaders, it is also, as with the schools of minows in the open ocean, a food source for predators.  Several years ago a pastor moved to Corpus Christi, Texas.  He was concerned that the local high school had an open campus at lunch time and that during that time crime rates shot up.  The local police chief and sheriff knew this was happening and credited the problem to troubled youth influenced by the drug culture.  Teen pregnancy rates were also out of sight and the open campus was credited with influencing this as well.  The pastor sought to have the campuses closed at lunchtime and local law enforcement officials agreed.  The president of the school board seeing all of the data rejected the idea.  Two years later a girl was leaving the campus of one of the high schools when another student in a big SUV with oversized bumper plowed into her little car while speeding out of the school parking lot at the lunch hour.  The crash put the girl into a coma and her life was changed forever.  Only then did they close the campuses, but the incident got me to thinking about what it may have been that motivated the school board president to put up such resistance. "I asked the pastor who had done his own investigating and the facts in the case weren't pretty.  I could come to only one conclusion as to why the school board president would not support other community leaders," said Carr.  "Remember that we live on a corridor between the Mexican border and Texas' largest cities.  We're not far from Laredo and Falcon Lake where David Hartley was killed and from El Paso and Juarez which are open drug war zones."

Randi Weingarten wrote in the June 28, 2010 Huffington Post the following point which was well covered by the Waiting For Superman producers whose underlying theme is that we have to get rid of poor teachers...

"Who wants to deal with the more complicated (but less sexy) and absolutely necessary (but unexciting) realities, such as the fact that teachers need tools, resources and support to do their jobs well? It's cathartic to say "fire the bad teachers," but it doesn't do much to improve schools. The plain, unsexy fact is that the best way to improve teacher quality is to do a better job of developing and supporting the teachers to whom we entrust our children's educations."

Tell that to the the rapers and pillagers of the lowly public school system where America's failed drug policies, immigration policies and financial oversight policies are heaped upon our childen. 

The teachers' union makes the case that Randi Weingarten takes tens of millions of dollars from the Walmart Foundation for her work.  And, of course, Walmart is a union busting company, but more importantly Sam Walton's father made his money during the Great Depression by foreclosing on American farmers.  Does Willie Nelson have a song about that?  Well then sing it at the next Farm Aide concert, Willie.   There's no class in college that specifically teaches how to rape the system whether you're a dishonest union organizer or ethically challenged capitalist trying to find a greedy school board president or superintendent of schools who'll partner with you. You have to be home schooled in this nasty science.
  

Likewise, there's no Business Management Class 101 titled "Screwing the Public School System for Millions"....as with the wretched behavior of Office Depot in it massive bilking of America's public school systems in its overpricing practices.  Office Depot's dealings with America's lowly public schools even became an issue in the Florida Gubernatorial race in Office Depot's home state.  Such screwing must be homeschooled and when it is there are fewer and fewer resources to go around and we wonder how Scandinavian countries can get better results with half the money.

So what is the answer? 

"Privitize and deregulate the public school systems and you'll still have people raping and plundering the new one," said Carr.  "I know of a case in Austin where a principal changed the grades of students without the consent of the students in order to make the school look good on its state testing.  The whistle blowers were the kid's parents, which has got to give you some sense of hope that sanity will rule," he said.  "If there is that much pressure on administrators now, how do they think that will change in a privatized system?  It won't.  If anything they will be more competitive and then they'll graduate and maybe they'll go to work for Office Depot or Walmart....but not manning the cash registers....but in the home office in Boca Raton or Bentonville breaking unions, exporting  jobs and importing gadgets and looking for dishonest admistrators in whatever school systems are remaining to overcharge for paper clips and copy machines.  Plus you have to keep in mind that Albert Einstein was writing earth shattering assessments of the ruling scientific theories at a time when he was unable to get a teaching job.  So just what were those wonderful, excellent and stellar teachers teaching at the time when Einstein was rewriting the book?  Stuff that had to be relearned no doubt...which is the wonderful thing about education.  Today's leaders are tomorrows' footnotes.  As long as we remember that, I think we'll be okay," said Carr, "if they don't take the new lessons and make something really deadly stupid with it."


"Like we did with Einstein's theories?" I asked.

For a listing of Office Depot's troubled past in mining the arena of public school's tax dollars see in this website AMBIT OR SHAMBIT.

Crowley vs. Kelly and Roberts vs. Beck

Men Prefer Conservative Women



CNN'S Candy Crowley



10.11.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service



FOX News Megyn Kelly



Washington.  A recent poll of 3000 men conducted by Men's Talk Magazine supports Howard Hefner Harper's article "Women's Political Views and Male Attraction" published in their upcoming November issue.  "This goes along with our long held view that when it comes to home and hearth, men prefer women of more conservative viewpoints as evidenced by their overwhelming preference for Fox New's Megyn Kelly over CNN's Candy Crowley.  

Conservative women seem to provide a level of mental and emotional comfort that men find meaningful," said Harper whose article was prepared in consultation with research provided by four leading psychotherapists and two political scientists specializing in the differences between men and womens' political views. 



MSNBC anchor
Thomas Roberts



FOX News' Glenn Beck

  Harper's follow-up article, "Women Prefer Liberal Men", which included Maria Reiner O'Connor's study showing women's preference for newsman Thomas Roberts over Neil Covuto and Glenn Beck will follow in the December edition of Men's Talk said Harper.

KARL ROVE: WASHINGTON HEELS KICKING IT UP

Karl Rove Opening Washington Dance Studio

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Dance Man, Karl Rove
Steppin' Out

Karl Rove and David Gregory acting upon the success of their dancing video have announced that they are opening a new Washington D.C. dance studio called Steppin' Out.  "The support has been overwhelming," said Rove.  "I have also been encouraged by Dancing With The Stars which has scheduled me for competition later next year.  When asked if David Gregory would be active in the new business, Mr. Rove said "No, David prefers to be a very silent partner.  However, I can tell you that Tom DeLay will be one of our instructors along with Dallas Cowboy Emmitt Smith," said Rove.

For a viewing of the popular Rove and Gregory video .....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdvHwtRdg_I

California Scientists Propose Radical Remediation Plan

Plan Aims At Fixing California's Earthquake Woes

Cyanocrylate, also
known as Super Glue

10.11.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Dr. Wilson R Phillips of  SRR, Scientists for Radical Remediation, has proposed to California's leading business and political leaders the support of a remediation plan which builds upon the 1942 discovery of Kodak Laboratories' scientists Dr. Harry Coover and Dr. Fred Joyner.   "Their discovery of Cyanocrylate is the clear answer to California's earthquake problems," said Dr. Phillips.  "A massive injection of Cyanocrylate along the fault line could help to forstall a quake well into the future.  The entire nation will have to support this massive effort.  If they like their vegtables from the Imperial Valley and wine from Berringer, Mondovi  or Coppola wineries, they will have to support this plan.  There is simply are no other option," said Phillps.

I asked Dr. Phillips if Cyanocrylate is Super Glue.  He said "some call it that. I prefer to call it Cyanocrylate."

When asked just how much Cyanocrylate would be needed he said that the combined Cyanocrylate producers have not been able to give an exact quantity citing unknown factors given the shifting fissure sizes along the entire fault line, but that a figure of $20-50 billion per year for five years was not an unreasonable figure.  "We propose five large infusions at forty mile intervals along the fault line immediately.  And I mean immediately.  We have no time to waste," said Dr. Phillips.  "If this holds we will be able to pump more Cyanocrylate along the remainder of the crack and fix the problem once and for all over the next five years.  Meanwhile a fleet of trucks able to deliver such massive doses of Cyanocrylate will bring new jobs to America along with a rise in jobs with the Cyanocrylate producers," said Phillips.

BIG QUAKE COMING QUICKLY

Phobias Connected to Earthquakes on Rise

10.11.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

New fears about the looming massive earthquakes in California along the San Andreas fault have travelers to California's coastal cities rethinking their travel plans.  Dr. Phineas Drover of the watch dog group Very High Anxeity says that psychotherapists in the Golden State are seeing a significant rise in anxiety levels among clients.  "With news that an 8.1 on the Richter Scale is likely, people are showing signs of increased stress....everything from smoking levels to alcoholism and bed wetting," said Drover. 

Lisa Grant Ludwig of the School of Social Ecology of the University of Californi- Irvine, has followed the threat of a big California quake for years.  On October 21st 10:21 a.m.. the "Great Shake Up", a simulated quake which is a day of preparation for the "big one" will occur.  "This is a way for people to help be prepared," said Ms. Ludwig.

I asked Dr. Hebert M. Zwigenboker of the American Seismological Analysis Working Group to help provide a list of things that Californians can do to be prepared

• Don't sleep in caves
• Quit your job at the Nitro Glycerin Products Co. Inc.
• Avoid the u-turn lane at the highway underpasses
• Take the ferry instead of the bridge and even then wear your life jacket
• Fit your bed with a rollbar that is able to sustain the weight of your collapsed roof
• Check every morning the USGS website on recent earthquake activity and make travel plans accordingly.   You will find this website at: http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsus/
• Invest in real estate only on the east edge of the fault line
• Invest in fine Sonoma and Napa Valley wines by the truck load and store them in cellars somewhere east of the fault line, preferably in Nevada, New Mexico or Texas, but not as far east as Missouri. The coming quake in California could trigger a similar quake along the Reelfoot Lake along the upper Mississippi River.

Hanging An Elephant Leads to Unique Marriage

East Tennessee Family Man

Reflects on American Culture

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Our trip to the Matewan, West Virginia near the fork of the Tug River would lead me out of the Hatfield and McCoy battlefield to East Tennessee near Erwin.  It was there that I found Jeremiah Ezekiel McCoy who had married a Hatfield descendant, Betsy Jean Hatfield McCoy.  I came here to see if they could remember what caused their historic family feud and just how they came together in marriage.

"The McCoys were on the south side of the Tug River.  The Hatfields were on the north.  The Hatfields were wealthier than their neighbors across the river and I suspect there was some jealousy involved.  Then the Civil War broke out and it seemed to legitimize their growing hatred and so the killing intensified," said Jeremiah from the porch of his small, but neatly maintained log cabin with green metal roof just outside of Erwin, Tennessee.

"Betsy Jean and I met at a community hall south of Big Oak Mountain on a Friday night.  She was the best dang clogger you ever saw and her legs moved so fast she could'a churned butter," said Jeremiah reflecting on their beginning together.  "After that we knew if we were going to be dance partners for life we better know something about what made our two families such bitter enemies.  Well, we discovered that it all had to do with greed.  The family patriarchs, like the kings and queens of England were nothin' but gall durn fight promoters.  They'd grab the lesser ones in the family, and believe you me they were all lesser ones, by the nap of the neck, shake 'em up and push'em into the ring and say 'go get 'em tiger or you can kiss your grits and chitlin's goodbye.  Go kill 'ya something and drag it home and make sure whatever you kill belongs to a Hatfield.....or to a Mccoy if you were a Hatfield.....it's the mountain man's way.  The Hatfields and McCoys started out friends, some of them anyway, and they even worked together, but you can't live in a battle zone encouraged by the elders and expect it to be sane and civil.  You eat with the devil and you better have a real long spoon.  It was like we's fighting over scarce resources.  All that was compounded by periods of shortages of corn or catfish or moonshine," said Jeremiah "and the grace and civility got thinner with the eggin' on," he said.

He explained that while both familes were Southerners, those on the North side of the river were Lincoln Republicans and those on the South side were Democrats....Jacksonian Democrats with a Jeffersonian love of the land. 

"We lived off the land and knew that we had to keep up the family farm or else we'd starve.  Everything had to be renewable.  You kill the last two goats and chickens and you'd kill yourself.  The Hatfields in sidin' with the North and the Republicans sided with the Northern industrialists who had us Southerners at a huge disadvantage.  So long as they had coal and iron and sulphur and lead they'd kick our butts, but they didn't worry too much about sustainability.  Industry seemed to have no shortage of resources, but that's a misnomer as we all now know.  Slavery was rare among us mountain folk.  Mostly did the work ourselves," said Jeremiah as he looked to Betsy Jean as if to pass the conversation over to her.

"I was in the library reading about the poor elephant," said Betsy.  :"And once I read about that sad story I knew I'd marry Jeremiah and we'd make our marriage a living testimony to the power of love over the power of hate," she said.

"The Elephant?" I asked.

"There was this elephant in the circus.  It had a temper....and who wouldn't being chained up all the time and having people pokin' at 'ya and kids throwing rocks at you.  Well, anyway, the elephant broke loose one day and went on a rampage and killed a trainer so they sold her to another circus and while it took a while, she did the same thing again.  This was in East Tennessee where the Republican party was strong and they supported Lincoln and the Union during the war.   So anyway, some damned fight promoter saw an opportunity to make some money and so he bought the rebellious elephant and went to a town on the county line between the Republican part of Tennessee and the Democratic part and sold tickets to see the poor elephant executed.  First they tried to electrocute her.  Shot fifty thousand volts through her, but she didn't die, but it was quite a show and so they kept the execution thing going. They sold more tickets and this time it was to the elephant hanging down at the rail yard.  Hung the poor elephant, the symbol of the Republican Party, from a crane mounted on a rail car.  It took a long time but the poor elephant finally died," said Betty Jean.  "Democrats came cause they hated the Republicans and the Republicans came to witness the shame of it all and just like in the Civil War the poor elephant was really the side show and still remained in her agony and torment 'til she died and they were all too stupid to see that they were just killing themselves in the killing of the poor old elephant," she said with tears in her eyes as Jeremiah reached over and patted her hand.

Actual photo taken on September 13, 1916
 Mary the Elephant
was hanged from a crane on a
rail car in Erwin, Tennessee

"We know how brutal people can be when they don't think about what they' re doing and our marriage is a way of asking people to stop and think about what they're doing.  The old Hatfield and McCoy patriarchs used to shake up the little ones by telling them to buck it up and go out and kill something and drag it home.  You gotta think long and hard about killin' else you end up killing the very ones you love and need and the only thing you're draggin' home is pain and sorrow," said Jeremiah.

A sunburst Martin twelve string guitar sat in the rocking chair at the other end of the front porch.  "You're a musician?" I asked

"Everyone in East Tennessee is a musician," said Jeremiah.  "Would you play something for me?" I asked.

"Sure I would," he said smiling as he walked down the porch, retrieved the guitar and returned.

"When the New Englanders were sending their boys, mostly poor Irish from Boston to fight our Southern boys in places like Shiloh and Gettysburg, they were reading Thoreau's book on self-reliance.  Thoreau lived at Walden Pond when he wrote that book that helped the readers to buck it up and walk with a prance in their step right into the canon fire.  I always believed that pride cometh before a fall and I remember reading that when Thoreau built his cabin on Walden Pond he first had to borrow a hammer from his nearest neighbor.  Betty and I never forgot that about Thoreau's borrowed hammer and how he was so gall danged bent on self-reliance.   And we never forgot that poor elephant either," said Jeremiah.  'And here's a song I wrote called "Living On Borrowed Time," he said while tuning his guitar.  Afterward I wrote down the words with his permission to print them here:

Livin' On Borrowed Time 

by Jeremiah Ezekiel McCoy

I don't owe nobody nothin' and I cut up my last credit card.

I don't owe nobody nothin' and I can't say it ain't been real hard.

I don't owe nobody nothin' and I don't owe nobody a dime.

I don't owe nobody nothin' but I'm still livin' on borrowed time.

I lost it all back in '92 but won it all back to just to impress you.

I did it all again back in '99 but threw it all away cause I was feelin' fine.

I rolled a lucky seven on the Vegas strip and hit it big again on my second trip.

Paid old Uncle Sam his required dues then threw away the rest just to impress you.

I built a little fortune in the Baghdad sun just to lose it all again when the job was done.

I turned around that winter found my legs again just to throw it all at whiskey and some bathtub gin.

But I know I owe my teacher back in Middle School.  Mrs. French, she tried to teach me 'bout the Golden Rule.  And  I know I owe my coach for teachin' 'bout the pain, sometime you 

grin and bear it just to play the game.

And I know I owe you baby for the way you stood

Right beside me in the fire when they said 'he's no good'

You said it says 'a lender nor a borrower be'

So we sucked it up to pay to cut them shackles free.

And now we don't owe nobody nothin'

We don't owe nobody a dime.

We don't own nobody nothin',

But we're still livin' on borrowed time.

(used by permission)

AMBIT OR SCAMBIT?

Enron Clone Targeting Lowly Homeowners
Citizen's Group To Clog Company's Veins
10.09.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

When Henry Gonzalez's friend encouraged him to sign up with Texas energy company Ambit, he thought he was doing the right thing.  A disabled senior citizen living in McAllen, Texas Gonzalez thought he would save money while helping out his friend.  He got a lower rate the first month.  The second month his rate doubled and the third month it tripled.  He read the small print in the contract and noticed that the rate was only for the first month.

Henry wrote:
"They told me I have a two day grace period. so I can pay it on the 3rd and not be penalized. But every month on the 2nd, they add around $2oo of late charges and reconnection fees. I have to call every month and try to work it out with several supervisors. Sometimes I wait several weeks before I hear from them. Sometimes they don't return my calls. Sometimes they give me partial credit, sometimes they do not. This company is a pyramid that sooner or latter will have its source of customers dry up as more and more of their multi-level-marketing scheme reps leave them, unhappy because only the top people are getting rich, not the sales reps. Only Brian McClure, their MLM director is becoming a multi-millonaire with this scam. Their peons and their customers will leave them little by little and the Pyramid will crumble, just like the Babel Pyramid of wicked ancient Babylon crumbled. The modern Babylon the Great will also soon be shattered to pieces because of its wickedness."

When Garland, Texas resident, Justin McDowell Dumas, found out that the company had targeted his brother-in-law through one of its agents, he had just purchased a copy of Success Magazine at Office Depot and digested its pages.  "It made me sick," said Dumas.  "The CEO is Jere Thompson an heir of the Southland or 7 Eleven Corporation and he knows better, but here is the wealth flowing up again with jack squat trickling down.  As I read the magazine I was getting nauseated then angry. The entire magazine....every article....featured the Ambit success story and I thought I was buying a magazine about generic success in the home business area. I was buying their advertisement.  I wanted to haul the Office Depot folks out into the parking lot for a game of "let's make road rash on your buttocks," said Dumas.  

"Advertisers included Rosetta Stone, Carnival Cruises, Ultimate Resort International.  It all looked so legitimate with glossy photos of nice looking people who worked for Ambit sitting on motorcycles or boats or in their front yards.  People just as nice looking as Jeffrey Skilling or Ken Lay or Andy Fastow. That's when I got an idea.  I'd take advantage of their job offer to become an Ambit agent and I'd clog the company's digestive system with bogus orders. Then I'd recruit my friends and family members to do the same thing and keep the company so busy checking out false orders and encouraging an atmosphere of paranoia so heavy that it would eat itself alive," said Dumas.

"So is it working?" I asked Dumas.

"Time will tell," he said. "But if that doesn't work I have a few hundred other tricks up my sleeve."

Ambits founder Jere Thompson is the son of Jere Thompson who is President of the North Texas Turnpike Authority which has been pushing for a Trans Texas Corridor.  When I asked Dumas if he knew that he said,  "Well you can't clog the Trans Texas Corridor with paper.  Have to do that with blown transmissions, cracked axels with a few hundred blown head gaskets thrown in, but we can do that, too, when it comes down to it.  The Indians in Boston Harbor tried to clog the British pyramidal scheme with tea.  That worked pretty good.  Whatever it takes," said Dumas.

I checked Mr. Dumas' complaint against Office Depot for selling a magazine that is essentially a company's advertisement with an eye to the possibility that birds of the same feathers flock together.  Office Depot has a long history of overcharging local school districts for school and office supplies.  Its executives have been with companies like Aramark a food service company that has also been sued for price gouging American schools.
For a view of the Office Depot's problems in Florida see:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2588765/posts or
http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2010/jul/24/special-report-state-staffs-failures-office-depot-/ or for Nebraska
http://www.auditors.state.ne.us/content/pr//Office_Depot_Press_Release_4-28-2008.pdf or for Texas, Alabama, California, South Carolina and Georgia see...
http://watchdogblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2009/04/the-state-attorney-generals-of.html
.

Seven Year Old Max Geissbuhler Obtains $4.5 Billion Photos

Science Project Produces NASA Quality Photos for Fraction of Cost

10.09.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

In August  2010 Luke Geissbuhler and his seven year old son, Max, lauched a four foot helium filled weather balloon from Newburg, NY. Attached was an insulated styrofoam housing containing a Go Pro Hero HD camera and a GPS tracking unit.  The camera and GPS were also wrapped generously in hand-warmers for extra thermal protection from temperatures that dipped to 60 degrees below zero.   The small spacecraft would have to endure 100mph winds and face the possibility of a water landing.  Nineteen miles up the four foot balloon had explanded it to maximum 18' diameter before popping and dropping the camera and GPS to reverse the journey earthward.  Suspended by a parachuse the camera and GPS had traveled about thirty miles from its launch site.

"The quality of the video is what cost NASA and the US military $2.4 billion dollars over twenty years to acquire.  If you included the costs of the USSR's space program the film is the equivalent of $4.45 billion dollars over forty years," said  Leonid Pagalli of the Aeronautics and Space Observers Federation.

"If I were young Mr. Geissbuhler's science teacher he'd definately get an 'A' for his efforts and the results of his project," said Pagalli.

To view the footage of the frugal flight see....

http://www.brooklynspaceprogram.org/BSP/Space_Balloon.html

Borat Detained At LAX

Sasha Baron Cohen Held By Security for Suspected Terrorist Ties

10.09.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Services

Sasha Baron Cohen as Borat

Sasha Baron Cohen, aka "Borat",  was maintained at the LAX, Los Angeles International Airport on Monday by Office of Homeland Security officer Sidney D O'Malley.  After a four hour detainment which separated Borat from his luggage as it traveled on to his destination of London, England, he was release by a court order obtained by his attorney, Frederick Miller.

On Tuesday the internal affairs department of Homeland Security determined that the detainment by O'Malley was unwarranted and O'Malley has been put on administrative leave citing suspicions that he was working for a group of individuals duped in the movie Borat including rodeo promoters, two church pastors, a Birmingham, Alabama etiquette teacher and six other individuals.

Miller has filed a suit against Delta Airlines for Cohen  after discovering that the seven trunks and suit cases needed by Cohen for his next performance were shipped to Istanbul, Peking and Buenos Aires.  Delta says that it will conduct its own investigation to determined how the actor's baggage was misdirected and why they were all painted lemon yellow when they were eventually found in the respective airports.

David Blaine Could Have Plugged BP Well In Twenty Minutes

Blaine's Offer of Help Refused by White House


British Petroleum Lawyers to Sue Rahm Emmanuel for Negligence

10.07.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Washington DC- Attorney's for British Petroleum are suing Rahm Emmanuel, White House Chief of Staff, who is leaving the Obama administration to run for the mayor's seat of Chicago.

"He's leaving because he knows that he stonewalled Mr. Blaine's offer to seal the BP well the week of the accident," said Ferguson McNeally, an attorney for the embattled British Petroleum Company.

"It's a case of pure negligence," said McNeally.

 Mr. Blaine, whose ability to levitate and pass through walls is the stuff of legend, was asked how he would conduct such a difficult undersea operation. "It's basically the same as the other feats that have proven my super human powers," he said.

"Can you be more specific?" I asked Blaine.

"How do you explain gravity or radiation?" he asked me. "I would have completed the capping of the well in about twenty minutes," said Blaine who also said that his offer was free of charge and with no strings attached.

"Mr. Rahm Emmanuel would not return our phone calls when we left the offer at the White House the week after the incident," said Blaine. "I could have done it with or without their permission, but why? What greater purpose would that have served? And for all I knew BP, or TransOcean, or Halliburton may have sued me for trespassing," said Mr. Blaine who pulled an ace of spades out of my left ear while changing it to ace of diamonds right before my eyes.

Logotherapist Finds Meaning In Giving Meaninglessness New Meaning

Practice Built on Holocaust Survivor's Message Is Helping Hurting People

10.07.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Los Angeles. Joshua Heschel Hendricks a thirty-five year old psychotherapist in Los Angeles and graduate of the University of Haifa Medical School is building his practice on helping people find meaning in life.  "Logotherapy comes from the Greek word Logos, meaning 'word' or 'meaning'," said Hendricks.

"Freud believed that the meaning in life was found in a person's pursuit of pleasure. Alfred Adler believed that meaning came from the pursuit of power. My mentor and hero in psychotherapy, Dr. Vicktor Frankl, believed that meaning in life was given to those who found meaning in life. If that sounds like double talk then just think about it for a moment. You get up in the morning and think to yourself...'what a crappy day. I don't think I'll get up. But then you think 'is that sunlight coming through the window?' Just that little sunlight gives meaning to your next breath, does it not? Then you think Joni Mitchell. Joni Mitchell? Where did that thought come from? Oh, yea. From the sunlight coming through the window.  You start singing.... 'Woke up it was a Chelsea morning and the first thing that I saw was the sun through yellow curtains and a rainbow on the wall and the sun poured in like butterscotch and stuck to all my senses.' Wha-lah. Your life has new meaning," said Hendricks.

"Then you start to crave butterscotch, but you don't have any in your apartment so you go on a quest. Your life has a growing snowball of meaning. The cat. The cat wants to eat. So now you're on two quests. The meaning is growing and growing. Cat food? Meow Mix or Deli Cat? I'm out of both. Will the left over dog food from Aunt Myrtle's visit do? Suddenly you've given meaning to the cat's life as he is forced to decide whether or not he'll eat the dog's food or catch a mouse. You see a rthym here?" he asked.

"Now, back to the butterscotch. Where can you get it at 6:50 a.m.? The grocery store. So you dress. More meaning. I try to get my clients to savor each meaning-packed moment and to find a transcendent aspect of each of life's little decisions. Red shirt or green? Brown shoes or black? Windsor knot or bow-tie? Of course Viktor Frankl learned this in a concentration camp where there wasn't alot of butterscotch and the shirts were all a dirty gray, but what shade of gray and how dirty?  The axel grease those damned Nazis are making us pack into those axels looks like butterscotch?  Has anyone ever eaten axel grease?   What does it taste like? You feel it now? The pulse of life. The rythm of life? The meaning of life?" asked Hendricks.

"I do," I said. "I do feel it. I feel it. I want some butterscotch."
"Good," said Hendricks. "That'll be two hundred dollars."
I paid him gladly. It was the best two hundred dollars I spent this month.

Falcon Lake No Country for Hartley's Or Anyone Else

Jet Skiers Cannot Outrun Mexican Killers

10.05.2010 by Winsip Custer CWP News Service

     With news that a Loveland, Colorado couple had been chased by Mexican pirates on Falcon Lake near Laredo, Texas, tensions along the US-Mexican border are increasing.

     Tiffany Young-Hartley, wife of David Michael Hartley, said that her husband had been shot in the back of the head as they tried to get away from their attackers. She had tried to pull his body up onto her jet ski, but was unable to do so. On Tuesday morning on Fox and Friends she said that the attackers were waving guns in her face as she wrestled with her husband's body. She did not explain why they did not kill her to get rid of potential witnesses. The Fox News commentator asked Mrs. Hartley what she wants to ask of the US and Mexican governments. She said "I just want them to help me get his body back so that we can give him a proper burial."

     We placed a phone call to Rick Hartley, president of the Houston 100 Club, the non-profit organization that helps the families of slain policemen to ask if he thought that the border violence like that suffered by David Michael Hartley was effecting crime rates in Texas' largest city. He has not yet returned our phone calls.

     We also attempted to contact the Sheriff's department in Port Lavaca, Texas to see if boat dealer, Rick Hartley of Granite Shoals, Texas whose yacht was comandeered and run ashore near Port Lavaca, thought that the couples jet skis should have been able to out run the Mexican bandits. Mr. Hartley was not available for comment, but a patron at his marina, Carl Dudelston, stated that "anyone who jet skis on a border lake in Texas and Mexico with all the violence there is asking for trouble. If I were going fishing or boating there I'd take a small arsenal and a bunch of sharpshooter friends."

     A call to Chris Crews of The Highlander newspaper who covered the Port Lavaca incident in August, 2005 that involved a relative of Rick Hartley, has not been returned either.

Bill Mahr Attacks Yachters

Yachtzee Totzee Another Nazi?


10.05.2010 by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

Bill Mahr, TV comedian and political commentator attached yachters during a recent interview. "Rich people don't use tax cuts to hire people, they use them to buy themselves a bigger yacht," said Mahr. Not much trickles down Mahr claimed.

Chris Caswell differs.  The author of "Red Carpet Treatment" in Yachting Magazine (Oct, 2010) says that "Yachting is, by and large, a democratic community. It matters not whether you're a plumber or a CEO of a Fortune 100 corporation, because you're judged on your seamanship and whether you're a 'good guy'," said Caswell.

I interviewed dozens of former spouses of avid yachters to see if Caswell's statement holds up. Susan Williamson of Santa Barbara, California said "my ex-husband loved that damn boat more than he did life itself. So when he wanted my vote on a trip to Tahiti I voted no and said 'have a nice life'. Haven't heard from him in six years."

"So is the yachting life a democratic life?" I asked her.

"Why don't you ask Captains Blythe or Ahab? Have you not read The Caine Mutuny nor Mutiny on the Bounty?" she asked me. The other wives told the same story.

I flipped through the pages of the October 2010 Yachting Magazine and found an advertisement placed there by my brother-in-law with whom we had just spent the Labor Day weekend. A boat broker in San Diego, he and his nephew had gotten into it over President Obama's policies and that was when his son arrived from a football game in which he had been playing. "Damn fags lost the game for us," he said. "Which ones?" his father asked. "You know which ones," he replied. "It's not nice to call folks fags," I said to his son. "How would feel if you...." I couldn't finish the statement.

"You probably voted for Obama, too, didn't you," snapped my yachting enthusiast relative.

"Given a choice between Obama and McCain and Palin?" I rebutted.

"Get out of my house. Get out!" he shouted.

I left the house and checked into a hotel room thankful that we had not been on his yacht off Catalina Island.

Two weeks later and I'm reading Mr. Caswell's article and reflecting on my brother-in-law's ad in  the same Yaching Magazine.

"Trevor breezily told the captain that he'd been 'sold' as well," wrote Caswell, "....because the new owner didn't know how to sail. 'Who's my new boss?' he asked, and was told with a grin, 'Oh just some actor.' It wasn't until the following weekend that he found out, when Rock Hudson arrived to enjoy his new boat," wrote Caswell.

My brother-in-law wasn't old enough to be the broker. That was a good thing. Hudson wouldn't have made it home from the shake-down cruise. A member of the "by and large democratic community" would have thrown him overboard.

Mrs. Williamson summed it up. "When George sailed away from the dock in Santa Barbara I said to my friend Marge, 'yachtzee, totzee good bye sweet Nazi."

Druids Receive Official Status in Britain

Carancahua Indians Want Same in Texas

by Winsip Custer CPW News Service

With Britain's announcement that the ancient Druid Cult is to be given offiicial recognition as a major religion, ancestors of the Texas Gulf Coast region's Carancahua Indians are seeking state permission to purchase a meeting site near the South Texas location where Irish and German Pioneers were massacred and eaten in 1838.

British Druid Temple Site, Stonehenge

"That was a long time ago," said Joe Firemaker, leader of the tribal coalition.  "We don't know what happened back then and we don't think it fair to hold us responsible for something we had nothing to do with.  Most of us prefer Frenchmen and Mexicans to Irish and Germans anyway, but we have no great aversion to Irish and Germans either," said Firemaker from the Capital steps in Austin, Texas.